OK, so an Al-Qaeda op might do this, but no jihadist would ever lie to us. None would ever try to conceal the supremacist and expansionist designs of the jihad ideology. No Muslim spokesman would ever try to convince non-Muslim Westerners that Islam is a religion of peace and tolerance, despite manifest elements of its theology and history. Oh, no. That would never happen.
From AP, with thanks to the Constantinopolitan Irredentist:
ISTANBUL, Turkey - An alleged al-Qaida operative accused of serving as a key link between the group's leaders and suicide bombers hid his tracks so well that even fellow militants thought he was dead.Loa'i Mohammad Haj Bakr al-Saqa, wanted by Turkey for 2003 bombings in Istanbul that killed 58 people, is said to have eluded intelligence services by using an array of fake IDs, employing aliases even with his al-Qaida contacts and finally faking his death in Fallujah, Iraq, in late 2004.
The Syrian radical didn't surface until last August, when an accidental explosion forced him to flee his safehouse in the Turkish resort of Antalya, police say. Officers reported finding bomb-making materials meant for an attack on an Israeli cruise ship as well as fake IDs and passports from several countries.
Police eventually cornered al-Saqa in southeastern Turkey and he is awaiting trial on terrorism charges.
His story is an example of how al-Qaida militants operate in the shadows, changing identities, moving from country to country and covering their tracks to help the loosely organized terror network carry out attacks.
Those who proudly identify themselves with "Al-Qaeda," ironically, are often quite truthful. They are usually blunt in describing both their goals and their motivations.
That so few in the West actually listen to them or take them seriously is our problem, not theirs.
It's the "moderates" who are the experts in deception when it comes to talking about what Islam actually is, how just a handful of extremists have hijacked it, etc.
Good afternoon and welcome to Hurlingham Park. You join us just as the competitors are running out onto the field on this lovely winter's afternoon here, with the going firm underfoot and very little sign of rain.
Well it certainly looks as though we're in for a splendid afternoon's sport in this the I27th Jihadist Twit of the Year Show. Well the competitors will be off in a moment so let me just identify for you.
(camera zooms in on the competitors)
Ayman Al-Zawahiri has an O-level in founding of Egyptian Islamic Jihads.
Abdullah Ahmed Abdullah, married to a very attractive burqa.
Abdelkarim Hussein Mohamed Al-Nasser, his best friend is a tree, and in his spare time he runs the terrorist organization, Saudi Hizballah.
Loa'i Mohammad Haj Bakr al-Saqa is a specialist in accidental explosions, and his father uses him as a wastepaper basket.
And finally David Hicks, Jihadist hobbyist, thought by many to be this year's outstanding twit.
Now they're moving up to the starting line, there's a jolly good crowd here today. Now they're under starter's orders ... and they're off
(the starter fires the gun, but nobody moves)
Ah no, they're not. No they didn't realize they were supposed to start. Never mind, we'll soon sort that out, the judge is explaining it to them now. I think Al-Nasser and al-Saqa have got the idea.
All set to go.
(starter fires gun again and the twits move offer in different directions)
Oh, and they're off and it's a fast start this year. David Hicks running a bit wide there and now they're coming into their first test, the straight line.
(All the Twits run erratically along five white lines)
They've got to walk along this straight line without failing over and David Hicks's over at the back there, er, Abdullah's coming through quite fast on the outside, I think Abdullah and Al-Nasser, both of them coming through very fast. There's Al-Nasser there. No. Three, I'm sorry, and on the outside there's al-Saqa coming through just out of shot and now, the position...
(the twits approach a line of matchboxes piled three high)
Abdullah and Al-Zawahiri at the front coming to the matchbox jump.. three layers of matchboxes to clear... and Abdullah's over and Al-Zawahiri's over beautifully, oh and the jump of a lifetime - if only his father could understand. Here's Al-Nasser ... and now al-Saqa is over he's, er, Al-Nasser is over, and it's al-Saqa, al-Saqa is going to jump it, is it, no he's jumped the wrong way, there he goes, Al-Nasser's over, beautifully. Now it's only David Hicks. David Hicks ... and al-Saqa... oh bad luck.
And now it's Kicking the Zionist.
(the twits are kicking a Zionist)
Abdullah's there and he's putting the boot in, and not terribly hard, but he's going down and Abdullah can move on. Now Al-Zawahiri's there. Al-Zawahiri is there and waiting for a chance. Here he comes, oh a piledriver, a real piledriver, and now Abdullah's on No. l, Al-Zawahiri 2, Al-Nasser 3, al-Saqa on 4 and David Hicks bringing up the rear.
Ah there's David Hicks (David Hicks is still trying to jump the matchboxes), there's David Hicks now, he's at the back. I think he's having a little trouble with his old brain injury, he's going to have a go, no, no, bad luck, he's up, he doesn't know when he's beaten, this boy, he doesn't know when he's winning either. He doesn't have any sort of sensory apparatus. Oh there's al-Saqa (He is still kicking the Zionist) and he's putting the boot in there and he's got the Zionist down and the steward's giving him a little bit of advice, yes, he can move on now, he can move on to the Jihad Photograph. He's off, al-Saqa is there and David Hicks's still at the back having trouble with the matchboxes.
(the twits approach a table with two girls and a photographer)
Now here's the Jihad Ball Photograph and the first here's Abdullah, he's going to enjoy a joke with Yvonne Ridley . She hopes to go into films, and al-Saqa's through there and, er, Al-Zawahiri's there enjoying a joke with Lady Sarah Pencil Farthing Vivian Streamroller Adams Pie Biscuit Aftershave Gore Stringbottom Smith.
(shot of twit in a sports car reversing into cut-out of old woman)
And there's, there's Abdullah now in the sports car, he's reversed into the old woman, he's caught her absolutely beautifully. Now he's going to accelerate forward there to blow up the neighbour. There's Al-Zawahiri I think, no Al-Zawahiri's lost his keys, no there's Al-Zawahiri, he's got the old woman, slowly but surely right in the midriff, and here he is. Here he is to blow up the neighbour now.
(a man in bed in the middle of the pitch. The twit blows up car)
Abdullah right in the lead, comfortably in the lead, but he can't get this neighbour blown up. He's car bombing away there as best he can. He's getting absolutely no reaction at all. There, he's blown him up and Abdullah's through.
Here comes Al-Zawahiri, Al-Zawahiri to blow up the car, and there we are back at the Jihad Ball. I think that's al-Saqa there, that's al-Saqa going through there, and here, here comes David Hicks, brave David Hicks. Is he going to make it to the table, no I don't think he is, yes he is, (twit falls over the table) he did it, ohh. And the crowd are rising to him there, and there I can see, who is that there, yes that's Al-Nasser, Al-Nasser has blown up the neighbour - my God this is exciting. Al-Nasser's got very excited and he's going through and here comes al-Saqa. al-Saqa, oh no this is, er, out in the front there is Abdullah who is supposed to insult the dhimmi and he's forgotten. (Abdullah runs past a dhimmi) And David Hicks has run himself over, (David Hicks lying in front of car)
What a great twit! And now here comes Al-Zawahiri, Al-Zawahiri to insult the dhimmi, and he is heaping abuse on him, and he is humiliating him, there and he's gone into the lead. Al-Nasser's not with him, no Al-Zawahiri's in front of him at the bar.
(the twits each have several goes at getting under a bar of wood five feet off the ground) Abdullah's got to get under this bar and this is extremely difficult as it requires absolutely expert co-ordination between mind and body. No Al-Zawahiri isn't there. Here we go again and Abdullah's fallen backwards. Here's Al-Nasser, he's tripped, Al-Nasser has tripped, and he's under and Abdullah fails again, er, here is al-Saqa, and Abdullah is through by accident. Here's al-Saqa to be the last one over, there we are, here's Al-Nasser right at the head of the field,
(the twits approach five rabbits staked out on the Found; they fire at them with Kalashnikovs) and now he's going to shoot the rabbit, and these rabbits have been tied to the ground, and they're going to be a bit frisky, and this is only a one-day event. And they're blazing away there. They're not getting quite the results that they might, al-Saqa is in there trying to bash it to death with the butt of his rifle, and I think Al-Nasser's in there with his bare hands, but they're not getting the results that they might, but it is a little bit misty today and they must be shooting from a range of at least one foot. But they've had a couple of hits there I think, yes, they've had a couple of hits, and the whole field is up again and here they are.
(they approach a line of shopwindow dummies each wearing only a bra)
They're coming up to the debs, al-Saqa first, Al-Zawahiri second, Abdullah third. And now they've got to take the bras off from the front, this is really difficult, this is really the most, the most difficult part of the entire competition, and they're having a bit of trouble in there I think, they're really trying now and the crowd is getting excited, and I think some of the twits are getting rather excited too. (the twits are wreaking havoc on the dummies) Al-Zawahiri is there, Al-Zawahiri is coming through, Abdullah's in second place, and, no there's David Hicks, he's not necessarily out of it. There goes Al-Nasser, no he's lost something, and al-Saqa running through to this final obstacle.
(they approach a table with five revolvers laid out on it)
Now all they have to do here to win the title is to shoot themselves. Abdullah has a shot. Bad luck, he misses. Al-Nasser misses. Now there's al-Saqa, and al-Saqa has shot himself- al-Saqa is Jihadist Twit of the Year.
There's Al-Nasser, he's shot Al-Zawahiri by mistake, and there's Al-Nasser, Al-Nasser's shot himself: Al-Nasser is third in this fine and most exciting Jihadist Twit of the Year Show I've ever seen.
Abdullah's clubbed himself into fourth place.
(three coffins on stand with medals)
And so the final result:
The Jihadist Twit of the Year - Loa'i Mohammad Haj Bakr al-Saqa.
Runner up - Ayman Al-Zawahiri
Third - Abdelkarim Hussein Mohamed Al-Nasser
Well there'll certainly be some car bombing in the streets of Kensington tonight.
Once again, apologies to Monty Python :)
Hopefully the next report of his death will not be fake.