As Bush videoconferences with his new best friend Nouri Al-Maliki, new echoes of Dr. Strangelove:
Hello?... Nouri? Ah... I can't hear too well. But the picture's great. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little?... Oh-ho, that's much better... yeah... huh... yes... Fine, I can hear you now, Nouri... plain and coming through fine... I'm coming through fine, too, eh? And the picture? Can you see me waving? And Dick is waving too, Nouri, can you see that?...He's right here beside me, and he's waving too... We're both waving... Good, then... well, then, as you say, we're all coming through fine... Good... Well, it's good that you're fine and... and I'm fine... I agree with you, it's great to be fine... a-ha-ha-ha-ha...
Now then, Nouri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with that country of yours... Iraq, Nouri... The country Iraq, Nouri, your country... Well now, what happened is... ah... well, you know, our people, Nouri, they're just a little funny on the subject...just a little funny in the head, and they don't always understand...just a little funny in the head... you know... just a little... funny. And, ah... they've gone and done a silly thing... Well, I'll tell you what they've done, Nouri. They've been protesting, Nouri....No, we have to let them, we don't have a choice....That's right, Nouri. No, really, they do have that right....Well, Nouri, I'm afraid they want us to stop supporting your government....Yes, Nouri, your government. They don't like your....No, Nouri, I don't think it is fair. I know you're trying....You don't like them, either, Nouri? I understand. I completely understand....
Well, it's like this, Nouri. Some of them think that they don't see why our government should keep supporting your government. If you and the Sunnis...yes, Nouri, the Sunnis. You know...the other ones? Ah...yes, I know it's none of their business. Yes...but they think it is, Nouri.... They think that everyone should use their new-found freedom.... What freedom, Nouri? The elections, Nouri. Have you forgotten? The purple thumbs, Nouri? You haven't forgotten the purple thumbs?....And the Constitution? And the referendum on the Constitution? That doesn't matter? Oh, I think it does. We have a Constitution here too, Nouri, and it matters. You don't care about our Constitution? I don't care that you don't care, Nouri, it's important to us...Oh, you didn't mean it that way. Okay, sorry. But what about that freedom, for ordinary moms and dads, Nouri, the freedom, you know, the elections, the purple thumbs, everybody marching? We've all done so much to bring it about, haven't we Nouri? Your people, and my people, together?
What's that, Nouri? You don't care about the Sunnis? They have it coming to them? They did it to you for a thousand years and now it's their turn? No, Nouri, that's not right. We are both men of faith, aren't we, Nouri? Don't we all worship the same God, Nouri? Just different routes to the exact same destination? No, Nouri, I have faith too, just like you. Don't say that, Nouri, that's not nice. Well, let me finish, Nouri... Let me finish, Nouri... Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it?... Can you imagine how I feel about it, Nouri?... Don't you think I want ordinary moms and dads to have freedom just the way you do? Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello?... Of course I like to speak to you!... Of course I like to say hello!... Not now, but anytime, Nouri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible is happening... It's a friendly call. Look, let me give you another wave. And Dick -- Dick's waving now too. We're both waving, Nouri. Look at us. Both of us, both waving at you from here at the White House. Yes, I can see you are waving too. And the interpreter. Yes, he's waving too. And your bodyguards, yes, I can see they are all waving. All of them. It's very nice, Nouri. I didn't mean to suggest you weren't nice, Nouri. Of course it's a friendly call... Listen, if it wasn't friendly... you probably wouldn't have even got it...
They will not be able to turn our policy around for at least another few months, Nouri...I am... I am positive, Nouri ... Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador and with my generals. It is not a trick... Well, I'll tell you. We'd like to give your folks a chance to make compromises, okay? ... That's right, Nouri. I think you should share power with the Sunnis. So you won't have to kill each other. What? You think they won't be able to kill you but you'll be able to wipe them out? You think they've miscalculated the new situation? That's not nice, Nouri. I don't think you should promise to do that, Nouri. Not all Sunnis deserve that, Nouri. What if we give you another hundred billion in mad money? Would that make you feel good, Nouri? Would that make you willing to give the Sunnis just a little something? And a little something for the Kurds, too? Or could we just give it to them directly? Is that all right, Nouri? Would that be....You don't have to get mad, Nouri. I am not insulting the Shi'as, Nouri... No, not at all. I know you've suffered terribly, Nouri. We've all suffered, Nouri. We're all suffering because of Iraq, Nouri. Listen, Nouri, I mean i-i-i-if you're unable to come to an agreement, then... I'd say that, ah... well, ah... we're just gonna have to stop helping you, Nouri....
I know you need them, Nouri.. But they're our boys...and our planes, and our equipment. And our money.... C'mon Nouri, be reasonable. Dick, right now, is nodding, Nouri. Look at him nod. See Dick nod, Nouri. He agrees with me, Nouri. Everyone around this table is nodding, Nouri. We all agree. No, Nouri we don't owe it to you... No, Nouri, I don't agree with that columnist who wrote that "we broke it and we have to fix it." You know, Nouri, how broken it was before we came. Yes, you do. You know who persuaded us that everything would be fine if we got rid of Saddam Hussein, don't you Nouri? Nouri, do you know that another Iraqi who knew you in Syria reported last week that you've been boasting about how you supposedly tricked us into getting rid of Saddam? You never heard of that before, Nouri? You don't know the fellow at all? But he always was the biggest liar you ever knew? Oh, Nouri, don't tell me that. Don't try to trick me, Nouri. I wasn't born yesterday, Nouri. I'm the President of the United States. I'm the most powerful man in the world. And Dick, right here, he is Vice President. So that means he's the second most powerful man in the world. Don't try to tell us that we have to stay longer or give you planes and tanks and night-vision goggles, Nouri. Don't tell us that. Don't tell us it is something we have to give you, or else...Stop talking like that, Nouri. That's not nice....
Of course we won't leave till you tell us we can go. No, not in Iraq either. Promise.... Okay, can you calm down? Did you calm down? ....Yes, I know it's a religion of peace, Nouri....Yes, and tolerance. Peace and tolerance, Nouri...Both together, yes, Nouri....No, I won't forget that for a minute, Nouri. I promise. Not for one minute.... Okay, are you calm, now? Nouri, can you please calm down? ....All right, we'll listen now. Who should we call?... Who should we call, Nouri? The sheikhs at Al-Azhar? Al-Qaradawi...? Someone in Saudi Arabia? Nouri, are you definitely a Shi'a?... Why do I ask? Well, Nouri, I think it matters, doesn't it? Not sure, but I think you guys have some differences, isn't that right, Nouri? I just wanted to be sure. You know, in case you guys in Iraq decided you wanted to fit in with the other Arabs and become Sunnis...Wouldn't that just make things easier for everyone, Nouri? For you, for me, for Dick, for the Arab League, wouldn't it? ...
You tell me, Nouri. You tell me what I should think you think... Whatever you say goes... No, Nouri, I am not making fun of you. Believe me, Nouri....Nouri, listen, in these things you're the boss, okay? ... Oh, yes I should have known. Right, our new ambassador in Iraq, Crocker, he's on your side, isn't he? And General Petraeus, you know he's with you... Right, Nouri, hearts. And minds. Yes, you're right. He is the one who said that insurgencies last on average ten years. And this one is not even five years old. Yes, you are right, Nouri. Your arithmetic is right. So you should have five more years. Yes, I do know about algebra, Nouri, Yes, I know the Arabs invented mathematics. Yes, and optics too, Nouri.. Optics, I said optics, Nouri. Yes, and all of science. It's all in the Qur'an. I know about the greatness of the Arabs, Nouri. I just forgot. Sorry. I should have known....No, Nouri, I'm not being sarcastic....No, Nouri....
Nouri, does that mean all Shias over there are just like the ones in Iran? No? So you're different. You wear ties and they don't. What's that got to do with it? Oh, I see. That's good, Nouri. That's very good. Glad to hear it, Nouri. That takes a big weight off my mind. And Dick, too, he's smiling now. Can you see Dick smile? It's a big weight off Dick's mind, too, Nouri. He's glad you are different Shias from those other Shias in Iran. Those guys are mean. Glad to know you're different. We didn't realize about the tie thingy.....
No, I'm sorry, Nouri, I didn't mean any disrespect. Just trying to figure it all out..... Yes, Nouri, it is complicated for us here.... Why does it matter? Well, you tell me, Nouri. Does it matter? Should it matter, Nouri? Should I think it should matter? I mean, do you get arrested and maybe executed if you are a former Ba'athist or a Sunni or just if you are a former Sunni Ba'athist?... What's that, Nouri? Oh, it doesn't matter? Not the least little bit? Not even the teeniest little bit? Same punishment? Gosh, Nouri, you guys really take it seriously, don't you?... No, Nouri, I didn't mean that. No, Nouri, I didn't mean to insult you. It's just that I didn't realize.... No, It's fine...Yes, Nouri. Yes, I apologize. I sincerely apologize. I won't say that again....No, Nouri, I'll never do it again...How sincerely, Nouri? Very sincerely, that's how sincerely...Is that alright?... No, the Vice-President won't either. No, I can guarantee it, Nouri. I promise, Nouri...Yes, Nouri, I'll have him call you on the video hook-up later and tell you him...Of course not...Yes, I know how you feel... No one in the American government will ever ever make fun....uh, you, sorry, your picture faded away for a minute there... Here you are again. See you just fine now. Here, I'll wave to you, Nouri. Wave back. That's right. You look good, Nouri. Been jogging? You don't jog? It's too dangerous in the Green Zone right now? Oh, I see. Sorry, I had no idea.
So what's the best person to call about getting this whole compromise thing going with your Sunni brothers, Nouri...? They're not your brothers? You hate them, Nouri? They have to call you and beg to be allowed to stay in Iraq, Nouri? They have to apologize for everything they've done in the last 1350 years? And especially since modern Iraq was founded? Uh-huh... Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you of Moqtada al-Sadr?... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Baghdad information...
Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm... I'm sorry, too, Nouri... I'm very sorry... All right, you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well... I am as sorry as you are, Nouri! Don't say that you're more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are... So we're both sorry, all right?... All right.
maybe CNN will take these transcripts and make a
news bite for the day. dont think Nouri will be pleased the cat is out of the bag.
In all their talking, did they talk about this? Where are the Iraqi dollars?
http://www.americanchronicle.com/art...rticleID=33515
And now Iran has given Maliki his own jet. He will need that when he goes to visit Hugo.
Sorry, that seems to be a dead link. Worked a bit ag...
Hopefully this link will work. If not I give up.
You will just have to find out for yourselves where Iraqs oil money is , and whats being done with it...
http://www.investorsiraq.com/showthread.php?p=438082#post438082
maybe CNN will take these transcripts and make a
news bite for the day. dont think Nouri will be pleased the cat is out of the bag.
Posted by: ZenaWarriorPrincess at July 29, 2007 6:55 AM
A large number of cats are now of the bag, Zena. The "gag rule" folks are running all over the place, bumping into each other like three stooges, trying to catch the cats and put them back in the bags via deception, intimidation, violence. The truth about Curley...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7023400490821896224&q=three+stooges&total=1544&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0
"Who is ready to sell out their country to Islam, please raise their hand"
Great article Hugh.
From the Conquest of Morocco by Douglas Porch, a history of the French trying to establish stability after Moroccan armed resistance disintegrated in the face of an organized army one hundred years ago:
There was Bou Haza, lately of the dissidence. A trip to Casablanca with its thousands of roumi had convinced him of the inevitability of a French victory, from which he hoped to profit. This view was shared by the one-eyed Moussa, who proudly answered to the nickname of Francis I, bestowed upon him by the officers of Camp Marchand because his profile resembled that of the monarch of the Field of the Cloth of Gold. Piratical instincts had drawn the majority of the crowd, who, one by one, expressed the simple desire “to eat up his neighbor”. No intelligence officer could make good Europeans out of these men. But he certainly could make them bad Arabs.
This was the raw material-caids without authority, men with ambitions for power, traitors, spies, or those who offered their services to the French out of a desire to avenge a dead brother or recoup a herd of sheep lost in a razzia-from which the intelligence officer must construct a “native policy”.
I can't BELIEVE you're comparing Bush's videoconference to the scene in Dr. Strangelove. They're nothing alike.
That one was in black-and-white, see, and this one is in color. Totally different.
/yes I'm kidding
Wonderful article. However, I can tell the president never read "What's So Great About America" by the inestimable Dinesh D'Souza.
If he had, he never would have placated Nouri by saying:
Yes, I know the Arabs invented mathematics.
Open the pod bay doors. Hal. Open the doors, Hal.---Hal?
The "prophet" Kubrick was certainly futuristic in all of his movies including Dr. Strangelove.
A personal favorite is "A Clockwork Orange"--Done some 40 years ago but showing the world today in its moral decay and lack of respect for any authority.
I guess the war room has high def.
God how are the historians going to explain how this idiot got elected? Here were the potential other presidents over the last 8 years that could have been sitting in that chair...
(1) John Kerry
(2) Al Gore
(3) John Edwards (if he had won the dem nomination in 2004)
(4) John McCain (if he had won the 2000 republican nomination)
This is how empires come to an end....stupid leaders upon stupid leaders. Throw Bush in with that list above and you really do a good sample of what has become of American politics.
I guess in democracy you get what you deserve...
Hmmm, which is Goofus and which Gallant?
There's that whole arm-confidently-raised/arm-tentatively-raised thing again.
Just in: Iraq has won the Asian Nations Cup.
My guess is that they were allowed to win in a pathetic attempt to strengthen the feeling of Iraqi national identity.
3 of the 4 teams they defeated in the tournament: Australia, S. Korea and Saudi Arabia were probably told by the US to let them win, but I haven't seen the matches.
dr.strangelove, lol
btw, where's matmaros? nvr see his comments anywhere?
Absolutely brilliant Hugh. I can just hear Peter Sellers as the President reading the above text in the film..... Kubrick would be proud.
How much is it we spend every year on the CIA, something above 80 billion, and they didn't warn our governemnt that Iraq would fall apart after the Great Dictator went, and that any Infidel soldiers would eventually be targeted? Didn't anyone remember that after the Israelis invaded Lebanon in '82 and were greeted as liberators by the Shiites, but were targeted after they hung around for a while?
A short while back Rumsfeld admitted that the insurgency was not forseen. General Jack Ripper, indeed.
This breaking news article speaks volumes to the political upheaval and position of PM Nouri Al-Maliki
http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/iraq-call-to-get-rid-of-top-general/2007/07/29/1185647743545.html
PS Maybe General Petraus is doing to good of a job??
One hundred years ago:
The French went into Morocco for what they thought was a strategic reason, owning the South side of the Straits of Gibraltar. The following is an eerie summary of their involvement:
1903-1907; Local politics and European negotiations over who had the right to move military forces into Morocco. France prevails over Germany, who had backed the local Islamic dictator (Sultan Abn el-Aziz). The Dictator is pushed out and Morocco falls into chaos. France looks for an excuse to go in. France sends in medical services as a token of good will.
1907: France’s senior doctor is murdered by superstitious Moroccans who were upset about equipment on his roof. Moroccans are angry about a steam train whose whistle is ‘insulting to both the living and the dead’. 150 Moroccans murder the train engineer and 8 other Europeans. French military forces take Casablanca.
1908: The Chaouia Campaign: Back and forth fighting with many French captives getting their heads cut off. The French, in turn, did not take captives. Word of this got back to Paris, where War Minister Picquart ordered that the shooting of prisoners was to cease. During the campaign, Moroccans fought until the French closed, and then sought the presence of women and denied taking part in the fight (the French didn’t buy it and shot them in front of the women).
1908: France tries ‘hearts and minds’ campaign, which fails but enriches Arab leaders.
1909: New Sultan (Moulai Hafid) is put in place. He is chubby and ineffective but orders a campaign of terror against his enemies. One torture involved making four cuts in the palm of a prisoner’s hand, inserting the hand’s fingers through the cuts, salting the hand, and wrapping it in leather until it achieved stub status.
1910: First Siege of Fez: The French learn that if you distribute pay to tribal leaders (caids) to distribute to the troops, it doesn’t get to the troops. Caids revolt when the French take over distribution of troop pay. The French garrison at Fez is threatened by tribal forces but prevails in 1911.
1912: The Massacre of Fez: The direct transfer of pay to the troops put money in their pockets, which was quickly spent on whores and mind-altering substances. Many troops suffer from malnutrition. The French respond by cutting troop pay in half and providing an open mess instead. The whores revolt and then the troops revolt, slaughtering their French commanders. Moroccan women call out the location of French soldiers from rooftops. The French later retake the City.
1912: Marrakech: Resistance emerges in the form of el Hiba (a guy with twenty brothers as bodyguards). el Hiba alienates the residents of Marrakech when he orders all unmarried girls to marry his brothers. The French win a battle, then lose a battle, and then win again. A standoff results.
1914: Morocco is overcome by events. The French retreat to small garrisons. The resistance movement is fragmented over a succession dispute in the el Hiba group.
1956: The French leave. The Moroccans follow.
A summary from The Conquest of Morocco by Douglas Porch.
Where can I see the original format for this conference. This is incredible. I’d like to find the link to it to confirm this.
PS Maybe General Petraus is doing to good of a job??
Mackie l think your right, the surge is more successful than the Democrats want to admit, and from General Petraus's standing up the farce of a iraqi Nouri, it seems the General is stepping on a lot of iraqi toes. we just might have a great general in the making.
Now the Muslims are conquering France: Recently, Nicolas Sarcoma refused to have Hezbollah classified as a terrorist organization and warned Israel not to kidnap any of their leaders at a recent conference in Paris.
Hugh-
Superior take. Can't even call it parody, it's too close to reality.
Goob-
Agree, the top photo should be in B x W for verisimilitude.
jewdog-
That's Jack D. Ripper to you.
Who I'm sure had the line "Freedom is messy." in the original script, right after "Precious bodily fluids..." but it was unfortunately cut. (It would have worked well voiced-over the scene of same-side troops fighting under the Coca-Cola billboard).
Iraq was a Humpty-Dumpty hastily put together with spit and hubris by the former colonial powers.
All we need to do now - after babysitting these hysterics for tw0 years longer than necessary- is secure the oilfields (and pay outselves back for our troubles... giving every family of a fallen serviceman or women full scholarships to any college for the next two generations), control Iran and Syrian borders from further infiltration, and then let the Iraqis prove the mettle.
The "training" has gone on too long.
Let's have them demonstrate what they've learned.
(Other than 1350 years of Mohammedan terror and intolerance and misogyny and rapine and theft and chaos and internecine warfare and superstition and self-destruction.)
Relax, Hugh...cut 'em some slack...
The interference in the comlink is merely gunfire...celebrations from their winning the asian cup tournament.
(/sarc)
Nice "Channeling" Bob Newhart!
Hillariously funny!
So, why do I feel like I want to hurl?
In a slightly related piece......
http://www.danielpipes.org/article/4739
.......where G.W. paid a clueless visit to a mosque and praised it and it's leaders leaders who teach that it was Bush's administration which planned and executed 9/11 as an excuse to go to war on the Arabs.
Maybe that's why?
Hugh's disdain for Bush and the currnet administration is duly noted....and warranted, I might add.
Where's Slim Pickens when we need him?
Love it when Hugh and Robert work a transformation on some classic piece of American culture in order to make their points. So entertaining.
Agreed, awake:
...he was the lesser of the evils at election time...sadder (and scarier) yet, the alternatives were far WORSE.
Beyond pathetic.
I love that movie. Hugh, thank you for this .
Brilliant Hugh.
I had to take a few breaks reading this, due to laughing too hard :)