Why aren't you laughing, infidel?
Along with murderers and rapists, Zia Ul Haq was learning how to be a stand-up comic. Here's one: A man accepts a violent, supremacist ideology; he goes and tries to kill the inferior ones; he gets caught, thrown in prison and -- da-da-dum-- learns to be a stand-up comedian! Yak, yak, yak.
"British Prison Scraps Comedy Course for Al Qaeda Terrorist," from the Sun, November 21 (thanks to Jeffrey Imm):
An Al Qaeda terrorist serving 18 years for his involvement in a plot to bomb London was taught how to be a stand-up comic at his top-security prison.Evil Zia Ul Haq was enrolled in an eight-day “comedy workshop” at Whitemoor jail, along with murderers and rapists.
An inquiry was launched today by the director of high security prisons to consider whether further action was needed, the Ministry of Justice said.
A spokeswoman added: “The director general of the National Offender Management Service is personally briefing governors from all prisons on the need to take account of the public acceptability test in relation to prison classes.”
The 18 cons were given lessons in stand-up, comic drama, improvisation and scriptwriting.
Once they “graduated” they were due to get a certificate and display their new talents with a comedy show for fellow inmates and guards.
On Thursday Justice Secretary Jack Straw canned the "totally unacceptable" course. He also vetoed a plan by the Category A Cambridgeshire prison to set up its own comedy club.
Ul Haq, 29, was given an 18-year stretch last year for his part in a plot to bomb buildings in London and the rest of the U.K.
He was a member of a sleeper cell controlled by British Al Qaeda "general" Dhiren Barot, 35, who is serving a minimum of 30 years.
Ul Haq, of Paddington, West London, has a degree in construction management. And he was recruited to advise on locating bombs so buildings would collapse when they exploded.
Anti-terror cops said the cell planned to cause "huge loss of life" using limos packed with gas cylinders.
The class started on Monday and ran for three days before Straw stepped in. He said: "As soon as I heard about it, I instructed it must be immediately cancelled."
If Jack Straw stepped in and "immediately cancelled" it, you know it must've be bad.
Jihad Humor - Muslim Jokes
JIHAD HUMOR - MUSLIM JOKES by stand-up comic Goffaq Yussef.
Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.
On my flight to New York there must have been a Jew in the bathroom the entire time. There was a sign on the door that said "occupied."
What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already!
How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
Did you hear about the Broadway play, The Palestinians ? It bombed!
What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia? Lefty!
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!
Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because just a stone's throw from Israel!
Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys? Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
A small plane carrying Yassir Arafat and all his top lieutenants crashes and all aboard are killed. Who is saved? The Palestinian people!
A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. "Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"
What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward? "Live ammunition."
A Palestinian girl says to her mommy, "After Abdul blows up, can I have his room?"
What did the suicide bomb instructor say to his students?
Gather round, I'm only going to show you this once...
That learned theologian Ayatollah Khomeini claims that "there is no humor in Islam." And if one wathces many of the clips of Arabs and Iranians so helpfully put up at www.memri.org, one never finds a smile, a joke, anything like a sense of humor. But on the other hand, we shouldn't forget tht Arafat used to smile a lot, especially when talking to Western reporters, until that moment when they said the wrong thing, and the hysterical fury came out.
Still, who can forget that tape of Bin Laden in his Aghani lair, the first one to be publicly distributed after the 9/11/2001 bombings, and the smiles and good humor all around when he and his followers were discussing, with almost thigh-slapping satisfaction and merriment, what the boys from Al Qaeda had managed to do in New York that day.
So perhaps a career as a comic is just what this Muslim prisoner needs. And if he can't get the proper training at his prison, perhaps he will be allowed to pick up some pointers from celebrated practitioners of the art.
Here are a few, just to get him started:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4zRe_wvJw8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqUjciB0Q80
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDUthuxYiis&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmnLRVWgnXU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M523VCKvCVo&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4630v8sCQfY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAmOC6pOTig&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__1EtK0d8rg&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeRxhIqvmZk&feature=related
Champ
You go...good stuff...yeeehaw!
Be careful..jihadis don't take that stand up lying down.
What we really need to do, is find out who the dorks are who arranged this fiasco, and put their names and addresses up on the web. Like the lefties just did to the BNP.
The 18 cons were given lessons in stand-up, comic drama, improvisation and scriptwriting.
This might be an important insight into Islam. It sounds suspiciously like what Mohammed was doing, especially the improvisation and scriptwriting. The "Koran" was probably meant as a (very) long stand-up routine, sort of a feature-length version of Bill Cosby's "Noah" routine. I mean, the line about slaying "all the Jews, wherever you find them" is an absolute "killer" line.
The proof of this is that the Jews of Mecca, who probably had a long history of stand-up comedians even then, got the joke right away, and were rolling in the sand laughing at Mo like mad. But the Arabs didn't get the joke then, and never have since, not in 1400 years.
So you can see that this lack of a sense of humor is a cultural thing; it's Arabic, not Islamic.
The Koran is really a hoot, I get a good laugh whenever I read any of it. But the Arabs just never caught on. All those hilarious lines about Satan urinating in your ear while you sleep, and the devil getting up your nose while you sleep, and one wing of a fly carrying a disease and the other wing its cure, and the sun setting in a muddy swamp each night -- they're real side-splitters.
I was depressed last night over the current financial crisis, so I called Lifeline.
My call was answered by a freakin’ call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was depressed and I might be suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!
Beer
Richard
I guess Mr. Straw was not amused at the prospect of a high security prison having its own comedy club. Most of these prisoners will eventually be released into society so perhaps a little levity would soften them somewhat or aid in their rehabilitation. The hardcore jihadists could only benefit from learning and experiencing the therapeutic value of laughter and comedy, alien concepts to them.
Stand-up comedy is certainly preferable to islamic studies and converting other inmates to islam.
In a normal, sane world, all of the sociopaths in this prison would spend their time doing hard labor and living in austere conditions concordant with the purpose and function of prisons---to punish those who violate the law.
"Silence! I Keel you!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Co5r9Q_BKEU
(Some language)
Capitalist...Barely Legal...That's what they say about those 'models' on porn sites.
I bet Abdullah M, could enlighten us about that...
Hey, Pismopal! :->
Has anyone else had trouble with the new TypeKey Service? I did, but I fixed the problem by resetting my password. So if you can't seem to sign in, you may want to try that too.
Capitalist --
"Abdullah Mikail", he can be found all over JW:
http://www.jihadwatch.org/archives/023590.php#comments
Champ, the new TypePad is horrible. After I login and type a comment the website tells me I'm not logged in. Then when I return to the comment page my comments haven't been saved. It also times out and logs you out which the form TypeKey did not do. I will have to remember to compose in a separate document. The larger bummer is that Schlussel and Atlas both use TypePad logins too.
I may try your tip about changing passwords.
Richard - I was having the same problem, where it would time-out rather quickly, and then by the end of the day I couldn't log in at all! Try changing the password, because "so far" that has fixed the problem on my end. Time will tell, though. Good luck!
My favorite Islamic joke:
Mohammedan: You would make a horrible Muslim wife.
Woman: It's been quite a long time since I was six, and besides, it's hardly my fault that I don't have any half-brothers.
'Zia' is Italian for 'auntie.' He's 'Auntie Ul-Haq.' Nancy bizzle.
Let's see how funny he is situated in the "soccer hooligan" block of the prison. Maybe he can bunk with Dhiren Barot?
test
Along with murderers and rapists, Zia Ul Haq was learning how to be a stand-up comic.
............................
"Learning how to be a stand-up comic"? Stop, stop, you're killing me! You're really killing me! Stop, stop, aaaaach! Aaaaaach! Aaaaaaah!
PC BS..."they're just like any other criminals"..."...just treat them like the others, and they will change their ways"...These morons will never learn. Let one of these animals blow the doors off of a jail cell, and they will give him a key, so that he doesn't have to act "so aggressively"...
Champ
Those jokes were a hoot. Maybe Zia ul Haq could have tried them. He'd have become even more famous than his namesake - the former president of Pakistan.
I had similar problems as Richard with Typepad - which Typekey has changed to. So far, what I've figured out is that in a separate window/tab, one should go to typepad.com, then click on the Sign In link at the top right next to Members: and then log in. Keeping that window/tab still open, one should then go to the JW article in question, sign in and then try posting. So far, seems to work.
IP, I'm trying your tip.
What do you say to a fat Arab? - Muslim.
How do you make an Arab eat pork? - Say Islam.
What do you call an overweigh Arab Mother? Fatima.
HAAAA HAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!
:)
OT: Same crap here, with TypePad, all of the same symptoms.
Back to topic:
Foolster41, Achmed the Dead Terrorist was the first thing I thought of, too.
I'm so glad there are enough sentimental useful idiots, and so much disposable income to be used to keep criminals amused.
I won't point fingers at any country--The same stupidity goes on everywhere, in the west. Imprisonment for criminal activity is supposed to be a deterrent to crime, but prisons are starting to look more and more like high intensity self-improvement academies.
I'm not recommending a system like Angola, but I think prisoners do owe a debt to society, and just sitting around, can't be called "working off a debt."
Participating in comedy courses isn't the answer, either. I saw a TV show once (I think it was on A&E) about female prisoners training service dogs. That's more helpful to the public
than earning one's comedy diploma.
I'm sure some creative people could come up with other, equally valuable ideas.
Thanks to Hugh for the comedy links.
Especially the less familiar ones like Henny Youngman.
I love Jackie Mason, a great comic who also gets the Islamic Jihad.
Try this modern one-liner comic from Wales:-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F3Kqgzbhm0
I'm sure some creative people could come up with other, equally valuable ideas.
Posted by: Stormwarning
Spending the day breaking rocks with a sledge hammer, is the best I can come up with...Maybe digging and refilling useless holes would have some benefit...
Spending the day breaking rocks with a sledge hammer, is the best I can come up with...Maybe digging and refilling useless holes would have some benefit...
from above
And that reminds me of a joke…
First, you must understand that CalTrans is the California Department of Transportation.
A fellow is driving along in no particular hurry and he sees a CalTrans truck park and disgorge two workers. As this fellow is waiting for his light to change he watches the first worker dig a hole and the second fill it in. The workers get back in their truck as the traffic light changes. Intrigued, the fellow decides to follow the CalTrans truck. A little further on up the road the CalTrans truck parks again and the two workers get out, the first one begins digging another hole. By now the observant fellow is really curious, so he stops and approaches the CalTrans workers.
As he nears the pair, he finds one man digging, the other leaning on his shovel. “Howdy fellas, can I ask you a question?” the fellow asks.
“Sure you can,” the worker leaning on his shovel replies.
“I’ve been watching you two dig and fill holes and I have to ask, what are you doing?”
“We’re planting trees today,” the man digging the hole says.
The observant fellow asks the workers, “Why aren’t there any trees?”
The worker leaning on his shovel answers, “The guy who puts the tree in the hole called in sick today.”
Is This Thing On
Richard
Hey, IP! Glad I was able to put a smile on your face. :-D
Changing my password worked like a charm for me, but I guess everyone has to play around with different solutions on the "new and improved" TypeKey. I like the "old" one better, LOL!
The Ayatollah Khomeini laughed, in front of an Infidel foreigner, on at least one occasion in his life: during his interview with Oriana Fallaci.
Here is what happened, as handily reproduced at this link:
http://daledamos.blogspot.com/2006/09/oriana-fallaci-and-ayatollah-khomeini.html
'Fallaci continued posing indignant questions about the treatment of women in the new Islamic state.
'Why, she asked, did Khomeini compel women to “hide themselves, all bundled up,” when they had proved their equal stature by helping to bring about the Islamic revolution?
'Khomeini replied that the women who “contributed to the revolution were, and are, women with the Islamic dress”; they weren’t women like Fallaci, who “go around all uncovered, dragging behind them a tail of men.”
'A few minutes later, Fallaci asked a more insolent question: “How do you swim in a chador?”
'Khomeini snapped, “Our customs are none of your business. If you do not like Islamic dress you are not obliged to wear it. Because Islamic dress is for good and proper young women.”
'Fallaci saw an opening, and charged in. “That’s very kind of you, Imam. And since you said so, I’m going to take off this stupid, medieval rag right now.” She yanked off her chador.
In a recent e-mail, Fallaci said of Khomeini, “At that point, it was he who acted offended. He got up like a cat, as agile as a cat, an agility I would never expect in a man as old as he was, and he left me. In fact, I had to wait for twenty-four hours (or forty-eight?) to see him again and conclude the interview.”
'When Khomeini let her return, his son Ahmed gave Fallaci some advice: his father was still very angry, so she’d better not even mention the word “chador.”
'Fallaci turned the tape recorder back on and immediately revisited the subject.
'“First he looked at me in astonishment,” she said. “Total astonishment. Then his lips moved in a shadow of a smile. Then the shadow of a smile became a real smile. And finally it became a laugh. He laughed, yes.
'And, when the interview was over, Ahmed whispered to me, ‘Believe me, I never saw my father laugh. I think you are the only person in this world who made him laugh.’ ”
Not quite...
For here is something from Geraldine Brooks, 'Nine Parts of Desire', in the chapter entitled 'the holy veil', that will simply make your flesh crawl, if you bear in mind, while you read it, what we know about the Ayatollah's views on the age of consent, and on what manner of sexual enjoyment is permissible with little girls.
"I know that when you saw him [Khomeini] he looked very serious, even angry", said Zahra Mostafavai, Khomeini's 47-year-old daughter.
"But he wasn't like that with us. With children he made so many jokes.
"He used to let us hide under his robes when we were playing hide-and-seek.'
(eeeewww)
'According to Zahra, Khomeini had been quite the sensitive New Age man, getting up in the night when his five children were infants to take turns giving them their bottles and never asking his wife to do anything for him -'not even to bring him so much as a glass of water'.
'The family snapshots being passed showed the Ayatollah laughing merrily as a plum-fisted toddler tried to aim a spoonful of food at his great-grandfather's mouth."