Islamic law deprives women of many rights, and that’s bad enough — and then in practice, marriage contracts sometimes deprive them of even more. “I Should Have Read My Islamic Marriage Contract: Why didn’t I? Why don’t a lot of Muslim women?,” by Ayesha Nasir for Slate, February 25:
[…] Marriages in Pakistan are physically and emotionally exhausting. The rituals are designed to remind the woman that there is no turning back. Drained by the festivities and eager for a smooth end to the 14-day-long wedding, I gave in.
And so, during the ceremony, I sat a mile away from my fiance, could barely hear the words being recited, and felt as removed from the proceedings as a guest. I heard the microphone being passed to my husband. I heard him say “yes” three times, as is the tradition in Islam. I heard a round of congratulations. When my mother engulfed me in a tight hug, I protested that I had no idea what was happening.
Other women I know walked into marriage wearing similar blinders. One friend, who works as a pediatrician at one of Pakistan’s largest private hospitals, described her nikah ceremony as “confusing and far too quick.” She said that her father had simply thrust a sheaf of papers toward her and instructed her to sign on the dotted line. “Much later I realized I had no idea what I had signed,” she said. Another friend–who is a lawyer!–said she never got to see the complete contract. “I was given this single sheet of paper and told to sign, while the rest of the contract was being vetted by my husband,” she said. “Now, looking back, I don’t know why I signed it at all.”
Women’s rights activist Rubina Sehgal has an answer. She thinks no more than 2 percent of Pakistani women are familiar with their marriage contracts, which even educated and progressive women don’t view as a binding legal document, even though that’s what it is. “It has to do with their upbringing,” she said. “Women are brought up to believe that marriage implies submission and obedience and so, when it comes to the marriage contract, they just sign it. They forget at that time that they have the right to read it, vet it, and even suggest changes. At the time of tying the knot, a lot of importance is given to trust–trust your soon-to-be-husband, trust your parents.”
The problem is that marriage contracts often take away rights women otherwise have under Islamic law. This includes the right to file for divorce: Almost all the men in my family and in my husband’s family cancel this provision before handing the contract over to the woman’s family. It’s considered impolite, and a breach of the trust that Sehgal talks about, for a woman or the relative representing her to insist otherwise.
Women also forfeit the right to other protections. For example, in Islam, a woman is promised a certain amount of money (in keeping with her husband’s income) usually given to her if she chooses to divorce. The money is meant to provide her with some degree of financial security, especially if she leaves her husband. Despite the excellent logic behind this right, most men frown upon it. They put into the contract measly amounts, such as $1 or $10, simply to fill in the blank. And women don’t ask questions. An elderly aunt of mine takes great pride in saying that she agreed to 1 cent when it was time to marry off her daughter. “I had faith in Allah, so 1 cent was all I asked them to put down,” she said.
But Allah is the one who gives women this right, I protested. My aunt dismissed me….