"If they found out that I am no longer one of them, they would hate me and would want to kill me"

Shakila over at the Liberated blog has just post some very personal and affecting musings on what it is like to live as a secret apostate in a Muslim country:

Even when I am surrounded my thousands, I still feel so alone. I guess this is because I am living this dual existence which is killing me from inside. I have to pretend I am one of them when I am certainly not anymore. Sometimes I feel like crying out hysterically, while at others, I just want to laugh out loud. The other day I was sitting in our office cafeteria with a group of friends who were all laughing and gossiping, but I was sitting in a corner just smiling, while at the same time, my eyes were slightly damp with tears. I felt this sudden stab in my heart that these women who are supposed to be my friends and who say they love me actually just love me for what I am. If they found out that I am no longer one of them, they would hate me and would want to kill me. What kind of love is this? Not only them, I feel the same when I am with my family. I have realized that all these people, my friends, family and relatives, just love me for what I am. Everyone's love is so conditional. The truth hurts so much and the more I think of it, the more depressed I feel.

Read it all.

| 18 Comments
del.icio.us | Digg this | Email | FaceBook | Twitter | Print | Tweet

18 Comments

| Leave a comment

Love doesn't have much to do with it. See Islam for what it is.

The Religion of Peace, Islam, is but a Piece of Religion, and very small and questionable at that. Islam was created by the objectively inferior to feel subjectively superior and this is further reflected in the military-political aspects of Islam. I tried to capture that essence in this skit.

Skit: RESIST ALLAH’s ARMY (RAA)
Two men have just come out of a bar and are shaking hands.
RUMP: See ya on the weekend. Take care.
MUTT: Yep, Resist Allah’s Army.
RUMP: Whatever… Look, you always say that. What about this religion of peace?
MUTT: Duh!
RUMP: OK man, (squirming) my hemorrhoids are killing me. Give me the ABC and make it fast.
MUTT: A is for apostasy. Leave Islam and they kill you—that’s desertion and treason in face of the enemy during war. B for blasphemy gets you death—challenging the chain of godly command. C for conquest—all infidels must be killed or dhimmified, hence the sentence for A and B. Now get going before you bleed to death.
They walk off in opposite directions. Rump stops and turns around.
RUMP: (yelling) Muuuutt!!!
Mutt stops and turns around.
RUMP:I get it!!!
MUTT: Yo!!!
RUMP: Resist Allah’s Army!!!
MUTT: RAA!!! RAA!!! RAA!!!

God bless you.

I was unable to gign in over at liberated's blog. I hope she reads this site. I wanted to say Liberated you have been through such an overwhelming ordeal. It is truly heartbreaking to find that all you have been taught all your life by all who loved you is false and that their love is indeed conditional. This kind of inner trauma is so injuring to your emotions that it becomes difficult to know what to think any more. Even this earthly life becomes like a strange dream. How difficult is it then to contemplate the 'heavenly things' or the meaning of life, let alone begin shopping for a new religion. You are so brave, L!! When my heart was broken I took to my bed for months and cried. After that video games. Apathy took over. It took years to feel like myself again.
I am a Christian but I know that the Jewish and the Hindus and the buddhists, the atheists and all the rest on here will agree with me on this: You Take All The Time You Need!!! Be still. Please be at peace. Enjoy being free. Give your dear head a chance to get clear. You are loved. We are all praying for you! (Except the atheists. But they are cheering I'm sure)
Hugs and kisses across the miles!

Liberated, first be very patient. Have you tried believing in Jesus Christ? The Christ was very patient and very good. Jesus never wished evil on others. Jesus went about doing going always. He performed miracles, many miracles. Jesus was no Muhammad. I'm a Catholic.

Do you believe in miracles? I do. I have experienced many mirales in the supernatural order; that means above the natural. I know that I leave myself wide open for ridicule, but I don't mind. I look at it this way: when I die, and I surely will die, my God of Love will not be harsh with me when it comes to courage. Jesus will see that I wasn't afraid to tell others of His immense power. So, I don't mind if people will ridicule me. I know what I've seen, and what I have heard.

I just know that you were never a bad person. So I know that you never followed Islam. That's great. You were never an authentic Muslim, and that's a great plus. Have faith, and don't be afraid to pray.

I understand your feelings. For years I was surrounded by thousands of thugs who were looking for my head to collect the equivalent of three million American dollar. Those idiots didn't collect anything, and they never will. I had faith that we would destroy the enemy and we did.

KEEP THE FAITH.

Your friend.

I will never ridicule you. As a matter of fact, I would defend you to the best of my ability. I am, to a certain extent, a dimwit, but I can truthfully say I am no dhimmiwit.
To PCPCP:
Glad you came through the valley. Hopefully, I will as well.

Try this song for comfort, Liberated. . .it's a Toby Keith:
www.asklyrics.com/display/toby-keith/my-list-lyrics.htm

Oh, Shakila …

Please do not, despair… I am at loss of words to console you, How could I when I feel the same way some times …

Yes, I do feel like a stranger between my Family member like you do and when that happens I *learned* [ you will too, eventually] to remind my self [ more like knock on my brain with my fist :) ] ...that we were born with brains that is thirsty for truth and we have no control ... there is no going back.. you have to except that, and once you do it will become easer as time passes … that is what happen to me.

when we do finely know the truth[ that Islam is nothing but a scamp] we should celebrate in silent celebration and happiness in our hearts, since, public celebration in out of the question and our lives at stake.

This happiness, that is dipped in sadness and sense of loss, could be the damp that stops the avalanche of pure helplessness and bewilderment that you are feeling ….

Last year… one day I set by my self after a run-in with my husband after calling me '' nothing but too bit Kafirah who is burring for ever in Jahaniam is too good for me… I was stabbed with so much pain, I felt like I splinted in thousand of fragments…. I cried uncontrollably for two days … Shakila ..I swear to you, I tried to think of every thing to try to stop my self from crying and nothing worked, except, the thought that I Know the truth and he does not … that, my soul is free and his is not …

that the fact I am a 100 % sure there is No Allah to burn me BUT he does…the beliefe in that, is torture, in it self , because I know he is no saint and he knows it…

I know If there is A God [ I know you are a Christian now, you found a place to go, mentally, other then Islam and I am happy for you ] . it is about love and not hate … My husband is afraid of death and I am not, because I know it is about total rest and numbness and not hard work and extreme pain … I believe that in every fiber in my being.

While I am here on this earth I refuse … I refuse... to be roped of My life and the time I have left of any kind of happiness that we are born to feel.

Shakila … Put the situation that you find your self in a scale …
put , your feelings of disconnect from, and dishonesty to your clueless friends and family, in one side, and, put, your knowledge that you are free of the lie of Islam that your Muslims still believe in and thats include the belief we are doomed like they do …especially Muslim women … quern says we are going to stay with the husbands in heaven while they have unlimited nights of bliss …more like unlimited stupidity.

weigh the two and see, which one will, tip …

I think mental freedom surpass bodily freedom ……
I use my mental freedom to help me cope with lack of body freedom … it is hard … especially when guilt eats at me when I let some irrational thinking seep in and I let it disturb my inner peace.

I hope I helped with my thought about our sheared experiences … I think no .. I know, that i it will get easer … my heart goes out to you …
please know that I think of you and your pain …
I think we never should defined our selves of what and who is around us … after all we are individual beings and we do have to be true to our selves.

peace to you Shakila …shin up … :-)

I wish I could tell you, love between people in unconditional

Oops

me again … I wrote the last sentence and I wanted to included in the begging nd I forgot about it … sorry

But it works where it is … doesn't ? …

I found that the only love that is unconditional is the love of your own children….

Hello friends.. Yeah I do check for comments on both my blog and at JW.. Thank you so much for your valuable comments and suggestions. I just wish I had realized it earlier, I mean Islam being a scam.. Now when I think of it, It is so obvious that there is no Allah, it was just a figment of Mo's imagination. I agree with Finelving.. I am 100 percent sure about it and there is no way anyone can convince me otherwise. I do feel literally liberated from that cult and I actually feel sorry for those who are in it and who probably will never see the light.. People like us (the apostates) are really fortunate and obviously very smart.. I sometimes have this sense of vanity which I know it not good but still can't help it. Whenever I am feeling really low, that is what makes me a little better.. That I am smart and intelligent.. I know and I can see what these blind & deaf people cannot comprehend..

Fineliving, I am so proud of you.. You have gone through so much and to hear all those spiteful things from your family and especially your husband must be so difficult..
I just wish I could be even half as strong as you are. God bless you..

Hang in there, Shakila. Remember the words of Gandhi - "in the end, evil always fails. Always."

Welcome to our little corner of the anti-jihad. Like others, I can't seem to post at your site, but I am happy to hear you are monitoring this site. I encourage your continued search for the truth.

And as we say in the state I live in - "Live free or die"

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit ...

John 14:15-18:

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another *Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

*Helper is the Holy Spirit; also known as the Comforter elsewhere in the Bible.

Take courage, dear sister.

Do not think I am making light of LIBERATED's dire situation when I say that as a fiscal and social conservative actress, I can relate to her words. Yes, I know she means they would literally kill her, but I have seen first hand how work dries up for conservative actors who are outed. It is a type of dual existence.

If they found out that I am no longer one of them, they would hate me and would want to kill me...

Even when I am surrounded my thousands, I still feel so alone.
..............................

I'm sure you do feel lonely and frightened, Shakila. But your posting on your blog and here are your first steps to building a new community.

Whatever you decide for yourself, you can find friends and loved ones who will love you for yourself.

You will also find people who will have no desire to hurt or kill you even if they find themselves in disagreement with you on some points.

Don't lose heart!

Shakila, when I was feeling down, a good friend of mine said I needed a good dose of the Psalms (the long, long book in the middle of the Old and New Testaments). He was a good Christian, and I took his advice. The Psalms are a good reminder that even those clossest to the heart of God Almighty Himself can go through black dog moods. Every so often, my wife and I read them together.

And I know a little about what you're feeling. I was raised in a household steeped in the mindset of the 1930's, where the word "science" could be pronounced only in a hushed, reverential tone, and you had to bow three times when you uttered it (just exaggerating), I got ridiculed for being backwards and superstitious when Christ found me--and this by "scientific" sibs whose first reading in the daily newspaper was the astrology column.

Fine Living, re your comment about God being about loving rather than hating, if he exists, I have a sneaky suspicion that you--and your husband--may find what you need in Jesus Christ. You, because you know there's either a bigger God than the one you were raised with, or none at all; he, because he recognizes the importance of the issue.

Kepha .. greetings

I do not think you thought, what you said, thoroughly,

The notion that, My husband will agree to go to Church …is just about the same chance that you will convert to Islam and go to mosque …
The chance for that to happen is 0 chance … I my correct?
The fact that you said that … makes me think, Most Christians, still do not know, the abundance of pure hate that Muslims [ Extremists and Moderate a like] carry for you and Jews.
When I announced that I am no longer a Muslim to my family and I said do not want to be asked to go to Mosque any more … of course My family hit the roof … the first question, they asked me ..'' what are you now, Please, do not, say you are Christian or a jew?!!!
When I said '' non of them, all I know is Quran is a scam and Muhammad is the worst humen being, who ever walked on this earth'' . …
I sow naked relieve on their faces ? … that was clear enough … they rather lose me to Atheism or Agnosticism then Christianity and Judaism … the worst, to Judaism … I think even a moderate will see blood when that happens.

I do not like to discuss My opinion on Christianly with Christians … I feel who,I my to criticize someone's religion, when that religion is not hurting me or my family or any one else … Of course that does not exclude Islam, because it, DOES do all these things.

I respect Christian and I which them happiest lives . … I have read the bible and I sow some pros and cons … my idea of a perfect God does not match
thanks

fineling56

Pokermutt time really does heal. Hopefully you have good support around you.

Wow... is this woman reading my mind? As a conservative working at an ultra-liberal university these words echo my own experience.

Leave a comment

NOTE: The Comments section is provided in the interests of free speech only. It is mostly unmoderated, but comments that are off topic, offensive, slanderous, or otherwise annoying stand a chance of being deleted. The fact that any comment remains on the site IN NO WAY constitutes an endorsement by Jihad Watch, or by Robert Spencer or any other Jihad Watch writer, of any view expressed, fact alleged, or link provided in that comment.







Not Peace But A Sword by Robert SpencerDid Muhammad Exist? The Muslim Brotherhood in America, by Robert SpencerIslamophobia: Thoughtcrime of the Totalitarian FutureMuslim Persecution of Christians, by Robert Spencer Obama and IslamThe Ground Zero Mosque: Second Wave of the 9/11 Attacks
The Complete Infidel’s Guide to the Koran


Stealth Jihad


The Politically Incorrect Guide to Islam


The Truth About Muhammad


What they’re saying about Robert Spencer
“My comrade-in-arms, my pal, my buddy.”
Oriana Fallaci

“Robert Spencer incarnates intellectual courage when, all over the world, governments, intellectuals, churches, universities and media crawl under a hegemonic Universal Caliphate’s New Order. His achievement in the battle for the survival of free speech and dignity of man will remain as a fundamental monument to the love of, and the self-sacrifice for, liberty.”
Bat Ye’or

“Robert Spencer is indefatigable. He is keeping up the good fight long after many have already given up. I do not know what we would do without him. I appreciate all the intelligence and courage it takes to keep going despite the appeasement of the West.”
Ibn Warraq

“America's most informed, fearless, and compelling voice on modern jihadism.”
Andrew C. McCarthy, Senior Fellow at National Review Institute

“Robert Spencer is the leading voice of scholarship and reason in a world gone mad. If the West is to be saved, we will owe Robert Spencer an incalculable debt.”
Pamela Geller, Atlas Shrugs

"The consummate Islam critic and expert." — Bruce Bawer

“Over the years, we have become friends, and I have received his assistance on several pieces of legislation I proposed.”
Former Congressman Tom Tancredo

“Few people are capable of applying scholarship, analytical reasoning, and objectivity to their topic -- while simultaneously being readable and witty -- as can Robert Spencer.”
Raymond Ibrahim

“A national treasure...The acclaimed scholar of Islam.”
Frank Gaffney, Center for Security Policy

“I am indeed honored to call him my friend.”
Brad Thor, novelist

“A top American analyst of Islam....A serious scholar...I learn from him.”
Daniel Pipes

“A brilliant scholar and writer.”
Douglas Murray

"One of my best teachers."
Ashraf Ramelah, Voice of the Copts

“Thank God there’s at least one man with balls left in the West.”
Kathy Shaidle, Five Feet of Fury

“I read people like [Mark Steyn] and Bob Spencer and the rest of them, and I say, ‘Boortz, you’re pretending you’re an author. These people really are. They really write some entertaining, some standup stuff.’”
Neal Boortz

“Robert Spencer is the Stephen King of Jihad.”
Chris Gaubatz, Muslim Mafia

“Armed with facts and fearlessness, Spencer stands up for Western civilization.”
Michelle Malkin

“Widely read in conservative foreign policy circles.”
New York Times

“Widely read in many quarters in Washington.”
Washington Post

“A canny operative who likely has the inside track on the State Department’s Middle East affairs desk should the tea party win the White House.”
New York Magazine

“A hero of the American right.”
Karen Armstrong

"The leading anti-Islamic intellectual in the United States....The go-to Islam expert for the right wing."
Salon Magazine

“Robert Spencer is an Edward Said turned upside down.”
Stephen Suleyman Schwartz

“One of the nation's most notorious Islamophobes.”
Hamas-linked CAIR

"Geller and Spencer are probably the most important propagandizing Islamophobes in the world. These people's voices speak very loudly — not just here in the United States but overseas."
Heidi Beirach, Southern Poverty Law Center

“Satanic ignoramus.”
Khaleel Mohammed

“The Likud anti-Christ.”
Dar al-Hayat newspaper (Saudi Arabia)

“Zionist Crusader, missionary of hate, counter-Islam consultant.”
Al-Qaeda’s Adam Gadahn, “Azzam the American”



Follow me on Twitter
facebook islam
RSS feed

Monthly Archives



Donate
Jihad Watch is a 501 (c) 3 organization. Donations are tax-deductible.


Robert Spencer debates on The Quran Teaches WarVideo: Robert Spencer on CPAC Breitbart News
SIOAFreedom Defense InitiativeJihad Watch VideosAmerican Freedom Law Center
Note: Listing here does not imply endorsement of every view expressed at every linked site.

» ACT for America
» Always on Watch
» American Center for Democracy
» American Coptic Association
» American Council for Kosovo
» American Freedom Alliance
» American Freedom Law Center
» American Islamic Forum for Democracy
» American Sheepdogs
» American Thinker
» Americans Against Hate
» Americans for Legal Immigration
» Amerisrael
» Amillennialist Contra Mundum
» Annaqed
» A New Dark Age Is Dawning
» Answering Islam
» Answering Muslims
» Anti-CAIR
» Apostates of Islam
» Aramaic Broadcasting Network (ABN)
» Armies of Liberation
» Assyrian International News Agency
» Atlas Shrugs
» Atour — The State of Assyria
» Australian Islamist Monitor
» Biafra Nation
» Blazing Cat Fur
» Bosch Fawstin
» Brad Thor
» Brussels Journal
» CAIR Watch
» Campus Watch
» Caroline Glick
» Christians Under Attack
» Citizen Warrior
» Coalition for the Defense of Human Rights
» Conservative Nation News
» Copts.com
» Creeping Sharia
» Daniel Pipes
» David Horowitz Freedom Center
» The David Project
» David Thompson
» David Yerushalmi Law
» D. C. Watson
» Dearborn Underground
» DEBKAfile
» Dhimmitude.org
» Dry Bones
» Ellis Washington Report
» Europe News
» Eye On Islam
» Ezra Levant
» Faith Freedom International
» Father Zakaria
» Federale
» Five Feet of Fury
» Foundation for Democracy in Iran
» Free Congress Foundation
» The Free Copts
» Freedom Defense Initiative
» FrontPage Magazine.com
» Geert Wilders
» Genocide1915.info
» Global Research in International Affairs (GLORIA) Center
» History of Jihad
» Hizb ut-Tahrir Watch
» Honest Reporting
» Honor Killings
» Human Rights Congress for Bangladesh Minorities
» India Defence
» Infidel Blogger’s Alliance
» Infidels Are Cool
» The Intelligence Summit
» International Analyst Network
» International Free Press Society
» Internet Haganah
» The Investigative Project on Terrorism
» IOwnTheWorld.com
» IranPressNews
» Iran va Jahan
» Islam Review
» Islam Speaks
» Islam Versus Europe
» Islam Watch
» Islamic Terrorism in India
» Islamist Watch — Middle East Forum
» Israel Matzav
» JihadOnBuddhists.org
» Kejda Gjermani
» KRSI: Radio Sedaye Iran
» Liberated
» Logan's Warning
» Looking At the Left
» Mahdi Watch
» Mapping Sharia
» Mark Steyn
» Martin Kramer
» MEMRI TV
» Middle East Facts
» Middle East Quarterly
» Middle-East-Info.org
» Middle East Media Research Institute
» Middle East Review of International Affairs (MERIA)
» Militant Islam Monitor
» Morning Star
» Muhammad Tube
» The Muslim Issue
» Muslim World Today
» Myths and Facts
» National Vietnam & Gulf War Veterans Coalition
» NewsReal Blog
» No Mosques At Ground Zero
» Nonie Darwish
» Northeast Intelligence Network
» Occidental Jihadist
» One Jerusalem
» Open Speech
» Operation Give
» Operation Gratitude
» Organiser
» Orwellian Culture
» Palestinian Media Watch
» PamelaGeller.com
» Panun Kashmir
» Pedestrian Infidel
» The People's Cube
» The People of the Book
» Persecution Project
» Political Islam
» Politically Incorrect
» Politiskt Inkorrekt
» Q Society of Australia
» Radio Farda
» Radio Jihad
» RAWA: Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan
» Raymond Ibrahim
» Red Alerts
» Refugee Resettlement Watch
» Religion of Peace
» Republican Riot
» Reuters Middle East Watch
» The “Reverend” Jim Sutter
» SANE: Society of Americans for National Existence
» The Second Draft
» Shire Network News
» SITE Intelligence Group
» Small Wars Journal
» Smoke-Filled World
» The Snooper Report
» Snow Report Blog
» StandWithUs
» Steve Lackner
» The Stiletto Blog
» STOP! Honour Killings
» Sultan Knish
» Tell the Children the Truth
» Terrorism Awareness Project
» Theodore’s World
» Tom Gross Media
» Translating Jihad
» Una via per Oriana
» Undaunted
» United States Central Command
» Urban Infidel
» Walid Shoebat
» Winds of Jihad
» Women Against Shariah
» World Council for the Cedars Revolution
» Yid With Lid
» Z Street
» Zilla of the Resistance
» Zionist Conspiracy
Crucified Again by Raymond IbrahimDavid LittmanOriana Fallaci Thousands of Deadly Terror Attacks Since 9/11The incredible Reza Aslan automated insult generator! iGoogle Gadget
Site Meter