Ex-Muslim disowned by family for relationship with non-Muslim

It's of course (usually) a tragedy for anyone involved to have a family relationship severed, but things like this are not without parallels in other cultures/religions; I know of people who were disowned for marrying outside their race, and many orthodox Jews (and Christians of certain sects) will disown a child who converts or marries outside the the community. The parents see it as a personal betrayal of their values; and when the community or sub-culture in question is one that puts a huge emphasis on honor and appearances, it's that much worse.

I want to add that, while living in Texas, I knew a young Arab woman of Palestinian descent, who decided to marry her Christian American boyfriend and convert to Christianity. Her extended family had a meeting over it, and would have killed her had an influential uncle not put his weight into the discussion. The family "settled" on disowning her.

The disparities between the Old World Muslim values and the Western ways the immigrants' children are adopting can creat huge psychological fissures. I briefly dated a Palestinian girl while in college. Rebelling against the old ways, her sister actually got involved in the drug culture and prostitution. My friend, from a family where Islam was not very important, and in which the parents kept up observance for social reasons when they were among family while back in Jerusalem, finally did marry a man from Gaza then studying in the United States.

Shakila can be thankful she is still alive, and get and stay away from the country of her current home. Beware the brothers, as well the father. Clearly the father is disturbed, showing fateful and total controlling sway over the mother, and the brothers will entrain themselves in family honor, to her tragedy, without even being asked by the father. I would hope her post is after she has left country.

If she wishes a long life, it will only come outside of her country, yesterday quickly in timing, and away from any other heavy islam country, follow her plan, try to come to America, find a way, as an apostate, even Britain could be of a danger, with the contents of the muslim ghettos in that country.

Disowned!!!! Yeah, that is what my family has done to me. They have disowned me for life... Why? Because I am in love with a British Christian man and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Isn't it strange? How can parents be so ruthless towards their own flesh and blood?
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Shakila, I'm *so sorry* that this happened to you.

I have to admit that I am not surprised—but I am very saddened.

More:

Well, as you all know, things were not going very good with John, he just wasn't willing to commit, so I sort of gave him an ultimatum. I said either you commit to me or else I am leaving this country for good and moving to the US, where I would be granted asylum based on my apostasy.
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Shakila, if you ever decide to take this route, *please* check first, and be sure that this would be the case. The United States—unfortunately—can be rather uneven in its granting of asylum. This is true of all Western nations.

Be certain that you will be offered asylum before making a move. Perhaps Robert Spencer and Pamela Geller of Stop Islamization of America (SIOA) can give you more definite information.

One other thing—and this is tough to even mention, but it must be said. Some Muslim families have harmed or even Honor Killed their children while feigning reconciliation.

If your family makes overtures to you or to you and John, *please* make sure you are in a safe situation if you accept. Please don't take offense—I'm not saying your family would do this—but then, you didn't expect to be disowned, either.

Be careful and stay safe.

I wish you and John all the best for whatever you decide now.

Disowned by disfunctional parents? That's a problem? No longer welcomed by people who worship evil? That's a problem?
No invitation to slit the throats of goats during the goat throat slitting festival? That's a problem?

I say rejoice! Move on and become fully civilized. And again I say rejoice!

It's no less than expected by even Western Muslim standards of decency nowadays, but better to be disowned than the victim of a murder that the authorities will refuse to investigate.

It is sad but that is the world of Islam,there are many apostates but they have to keep quiet.

There are some famous apostates in the history of Islam:

"Ali Dashti,Apostate of Islam,Tortured by Khomeini,Author of a Famous Book against Muhammad"

http://www.antisharia.com/2011/12/17/ali-dashtiapostate-of-islamtortured-by-khomeiniauthor-of-a-famous-book-against-muhammad/

"Akbar(1542-1605),the Greatest Mughal Emperor of India,Apostate of Islam and Founder of a New Religion"

http://www.antisharia.com/2012/05/14/akbar1542-1605the-greatest-mughal-emperor-of-indiaapostate-of-islam-and-founder-of-a-new-religion/

ALSO CHECK OUT

"The Literary Masterpiece “The Man who Calculated”,about a Christian Girl and an Ex-Muslim"

http://www.antisharia.com/2012/07/09/the-literary-masterpiece-the-man-who-calculatedabout-a-christian-girl-and-an-ex-muslim/

Sorry to hear about being disowned, Shakila.

But, speaking as someone who has been in a cross-cultural marriage for a long time,and having experienced some of the pitfalls thereof, maybe John's unwillingness to commit may be a blessing in disguise. Making a cross-cultural marriage "work" requires a lot of patience and compromise on both sides simply because the two of you have been "programmed" far more than you realize by your differing socialization processes.

Further, about asylum in the USA, I echo what Gravenimage said. I've worked as a consular officer and had a lot of dealings with Immigration people (who would have to adjudicate the issue), and the process can be very uneven and you could end up talking to a very unsympathetic shmo [forgive my Yiddish] on the other side of the table. While US officialdom likes to think of itself as committed to following the law--which does have a tradition of considering cases like yours with a measure of sympathy--you can still end up with someone with a personal agenda that might not be so sympathetic handling your case.

I'm sure that those of us who pray, however, are remembering you in our prayers.

Be careful about invitations by Muslim family members to return home...it could be a death trap...it has been known to happen...I hope your future is both joyous and rewarding...good luck....

Shakira, looking on the bright side, at least you weren't born gay. Think of all the challenges that would entail with a conservative family, culture, or seeking asylum! Think I'm kidding? I'm not.

This is going to sound mean, but ain't Shakila a genius?

First of all, she gives John an ultimatum. Why? If he's really a wonderful person, give him the time he needs to determine whether he wants to commit or not, and if so, whether Shakila is the right one. While this is none of my business, John would do well to move on - if a person is going to threaten you into doing something that you're not so sure about, imagine what it's going to be after marriage.

Then there is the issue of her parents. Of course, we have no idea about what John knows about Muslims, Islam and the rest. But imagine if John had read Islam-Watch, and was familiar w/ the ostracism process that accompanies inter-religious marriages. He may have suspected this reaction and may have wanted to avoid opening that can of worms in the first place, but Shakila forced him to, and looked like an idiot later. Did Shakila really believe that her parents would put her ahead of islam?

And how does she assume that she'd automatically get granted asylum to the US? Does either Kuwait or Pakistan have the death penalty for apostasy? Yeah, her life will be in danger more likely due to Muslim mobs, rather than due to a judicial sentence. And if she doesn't get John, that's enough reason for her to leave UK and move to the US? Like there is no one else in UK that she can date?

Honestly, this girl has serious issues of her own - w/o the ones she has to deal w/ from Islam.

Remember, according to Eric Allen Bell, most Muslims are okay.

I hope that this wakes her up and that she disowns izlam.

This may sound rude, but is Shakila real?

Her story reads like fiction - not like the story of a Muslim waking up, walking out and taking the consequence - but like the kind of novel that a Westerner might write about leaving Islam.

It doesn't necessarily follow that she's a fake. But does anyone know how we can verify that Shakila is a real person?

A muslima can not marry a kaffir, it is forbidden,and it is engraved in granite , an absolute ideological tenet. Her womb belongs to I-slam, full-stop, and she is a tad naive to think otherwise or pretend she did not KNOW ......

We've read many times here that Muslim females have been disowned by their families and then are lured back into the fold with he promise of forgiveness only to find the female family member dead within an hour of returning home.

Don't buy into it Shakila. You sound to me like every other giddy woman in love regarding your honey John, but when rejected by a suitor the natural reaction is to return to the comfort of one's family. Don't do it. In your dad's and brothers' warped little minds you have already committed an unpardonable sin. You've shamed the insecure men in your family, made that way by their stubborn adherence to Islam.

You have to make a choice and it will be an unpleasant one: either accept your fate to live as a Muslim with all the horrible trappings of life as a woman under Islam or leave now, and I mean, tonight, and don't look back. No matter what your mom tells you on the phone she has made her choice and will destroy you if it comes down to protecting her status in the family or standing up for you. Ask yourself, has she ever stood up for me against the males in my family before now? If so I applaud her. If so, what were the ramifications for her actions? If not, unfortunately you will not be able to depend on her. And even if you could the likelihood that you would both be killed is very strong especially since you have more than one brother who can assist your dad and in ridding the family of their shame. If you don't think your dad will participate, think back to other times when something like this happened to a family in your orbit. What was your dad's reaction? Was anyone killed because of it? Was your dad opposed to it or did he welcome it? Don't let your emotions get in the way of protecting yourself. Your life most likely depends on it.

I wish this weren't true for you. Unfortunately, you and I both know that it is. Protect yourself by getting out now.

Diana ,

Learning is a process. There is a value to reading about this process from one person's perspective.

The malleability and wildness of every teen age brain might be construed as crazy-stupid -- but somehow this is magically transformed by the time someone reaches 25 to 30 yeas old.

Enjoy the process.

Well, the good news is that this way Shakila probably avoids all sorts of little miseries.

She's almost free.