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A marvelously dead-on mirror of the mainstream media coverage of the Pew Research Center poll of Muslims in America, from Iowahawk (thanks to PRCS):
Chicago - By an almost two-to-one margin, Midwest Lutherans voiced solid opposition to decapitation, suicide bombing, and chemical warfare in a new comprehensive survey of their social attitudes.The Pew Research survey, conducted May 13-19, queried nearly 2,500 randomly selected Lutherans at flea markets and convenience stores across the Midwest. Interviews were conducted in High Plains Twang, Great Lakes Nasal and Flat Ohio Valley Bland.
"If there is one headline here, it's how remarkably moderate the Lutheran community is," said Pew director Andrew Kohut of the survey, which was co-sponsored by the Council on American-Yooper Relations. "It really paints a picture of a dynamic culture in or somewhere near the American mainstream."
Kohut pointed to one of the study's key findings that only 29% of all respondents agreed that "bloody, random violence against infidels" was "always" or "frequently" justified, versus 56% who said such violence was "seldom" or "never" justified. The approval of violence rose slightly among younger Lutherans and when the hypothetical violence was targeted against Presbyterians, but still fell well short of a majority.
"The only demographic cohort we saw where murderous random violence had a majority support was among 18-35 year old male followers of the Wisconsin Synod," said Kohut. "And that was barely above the margin of error. Even then, fewer than half (41% to 46%) said they would personally volunteer to carry out the violence themselves."
Further bolstering the findings, Kohut noted that fewer than 6% of respondents physically attacked field interviewers during the survey.
Although a majority 87% of respondents agreed that "The world should be brought to submission under global Lutheran conquest and eternal perfect rule," there was a great deal of disagreement on the means to accomplish it. More than 95% supported "pancake breakfasts" and "popcorn fundraisers," but support dropped to less than 80% for "cow tipping" and "T-P'ing infidel houses." Support dropped even more dramatically for more violent means of conquest, such as "suicide bombing" (28%), "decapitation" (24%), and "running over Presbyterians with my Ski-Doo" (23%).
"Taken as a whole, the results show that Midwest Lutherans emphatically support a moderate, mainstream path to world domination," said Kohut. "These folks are well-assimilated into the broad fabric of American society, and unless you are Presbyterian, there is probably very little here to cause concern."
Read it all.
Posted by Robert at May 24, 2007 5:43 AM
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Does that mean the Missouri Synod are apostates & are also targets of Lutheran jihad, too?
I'd bet ol' Martin Luther was also a pedophelic bandit chieftain from southern Bavaria, too!
Wow, Lutherans sure aren't what they used to be!
LOL
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at May 24, 2007 6:54 AM
:)
Posted by: bonncaruso at May 24, 2007 7:10 AM
OH BRILLIANT ARTICLE
Posted by: ewha1 at May 24, 2007 7:25 AM
OH BRILLIANT ARTICLE
Posted by: ewha1 at May 24, 2007 7:26 AM
curses
at May 24, 2007 7:28 AM
That was a great poll! Pretty high! I was just thinking- that many people are for killing eachother? Then there it was in black and white! Yes they would! It is easier to kill innocent people than to try and defend yourself or a country! Pure unrational idiots! Why are people 1/2 baked? That aritical was great! So telling and I like Kohut, the humor! What else can ya do when things are so so...serious?! It is the truth!
Posted by: MZ at May 24, 2007 8:54 AM
As a Lutheran from Ohio, I believe without a doubt the two entities that are trying to bring an end to life this country as we know it, is the religion of Islam and the Democratic National Party.
Posted by: backwoodsgranny at May 24, 2007 9:17 AM
Cute! Had me laughing!
I especially liked the part where they randomly selected Lutherans from Flea Markets - nice touch.
Cheers,
http://doctorbulldog.wordpress.com
Posted by: Doctor Bulldog at May 24, 2007 9:45 AM
The leader of the Midwest Lutherans was heard reiterating, verily I say unto you, if you do not accept our terms you risk the Lutheranization of, of, the solar system, yeah that’s it the solar system.
Posted by: tgusa at May 24, 2007 9:55 AM
Great piece!!
Lutheran "suicide bombing" gives a whole new meaning to the term: BIBLE BELT
Texans! Protect your women!!
Posted by: texan at May 24, 2007 9:58 AM
When I lived in Waco, Texas, my daughter went to a Lutheran run elementary school. Occasionally the school Imams ..er I mean teachers would kidnap local policemen and randomly beat up under-dressed Branch Davidian women.
Posted by: TheOmegaMan at May 24, 2007 10:02 AM
Awesome stuff! I was really laughing my head off at the Lombardi Cartoon Jihad article. The Iowahawk has effectively captured the blithering nonsense of the mainstream media when it comes to Islam and the worldwide Jihad perfectly.
Great satire always has a grain of truth, these Iowahawk articles have it in spades. Added to my favorites.
Posted by: Proud Infidel at May 24, 2007 10:14 AM
So... that Lutheran-led inquisition I was hoping for ain't happening? Bunch of wimps...
Posted by: BunrattyBill at May 24, 2007 10:46 AM
In a joint statement, Bush and Blair declared Lutheranism "a religion of peace".
Meanwhile, Lutheran youth rioted again in France.
And this just in, the author of "The Truth About Luther", Spence Roberts has received another death threat.
Posted by: LoneRanger at May 24, 2007 10:56 AM
"The Pew Research survey, conducted May 13-19, queried nearly 2,500 randomly selected Lutherans at flea markets and convenience stores across the Midwest. Interviews were conducted in High Plains Twang, Great Lakes Nasal and Flat Ohio Valley Bland."
The poll was obviously slanted toward finding moderates. It was taken AFTER the fishing opener. The 6% who attacked the pollsters were Walleye widows.
Posted by: freedomschool at May 24, 2007 11:22 AM
Last night I was listening to some radio pundit interviewing some Muslim apologist.
The Muslim apologist quoted the number of Muslims in America as being 8 Million. (This number grows with each quotation like the illegal immigrants)
The pundit missed nailing the apologist at that point. If the pew numbers are correct at 26% approval of Jihad, then roughly 500,000 muslims in America approve of it.
Comforting thought!
at May 24, 2007 11:37 AM
First we had Islamic jihad, now we have Lutherarian jihad. Luther was the first, Lutherarian jihadist.
It wont be long till Lutherans are searched, metal detected, and sniffed by bomb smelling dogs, and thats just to get into the flea market. Lutheran refugee camps will be under attack by the dreaded Mormons. Presbyterians, and Mormons will join in an unholy alliance with Jehovahs Witnesses, to develope a nuclear device, that will end Lutheran hegemoney forever. If you think thats dangerous, wait til the Wiccan jihadists get thier own 'bomb'...
at May 24, 2007 12:13 PM
The enemy within, indeed.
Speaking as a Brit, this scares me. How can 29% of these people support violent Jihad against the society that has nurtered them and that gave their ancestors safe haven from religious persecution?
The US needs to do something about this fast. I've read that many of these Lutherans can pass for ordinary everyday Americans. What are the signs to look for? Does the FBI have any agents who speak High Plains Twang? What is being done to infiltrate their "popcorn fundraisers"? And what exactly goes on when they get together at those secretive gatherings known, in their language, as "bake-offs" (pronounced bay-coffs in English).
I suggest a multi-million dollar outreach campaign to win over "moderate" Lutherans, together with a Presidential-level denial of any link between Lutheranism and the proponents of cheese-making.
The Government needs to identify and promote high profile moderate Lutherans, like Lyle Lovett and David Hasselhoff, to counter these militants who are misunderstanding their religion. Highlight the contribution that Lutherans have made to US history - Lee Harvey Oswald springs to mind.
Posted by: Matamoros at May 24, 2007 1:21 PM
“Thailand: Six Villagers Killed Today In Muslim South”
Yes, wherever the islamists go, trouble follows don’t ya know. Schools burning, teachers being beheaded, children terrorized. I am fed up with islam and the islamists. You educators in the USA pay attention, this is what you have to look forward to if you continue to appease the islamonazis. You can’t run, there is no where to hide, so stand up and show us you are not spineally deficient or we will guarantee you end up living with, well dying with, your islamist buddies. Show us that you really do care about education. I won’t hold my breath though, I’m not suicidal.
at May 24, 2007 1:40 PM
Don’t worry though, pretty soon the illegal, er terrorist/communist/anarchist aliens will be our overlords.
http://michellemalkin.com/archives/007592.htm
http://www.hispanicbusiness.com/news/newsbyid.asp?id=65052
Is police work one of those jobs Americans refuse to do? Gee I wonder why? Yes these idiots want to bring Mexico to America, and if you have ever visited Mexico you will know you don’t want that here. As I have said, the corruption, the poverty, the dirt, its all bad. So, if you don’t care about your country/culture/lifestyle e-mail your rep, tell them you support the sellout of America to lawbreaking, job stealing, infrastructure destroying, friendly neighborhood sotbs’s. They don’t want you stinking language/laws/culture and they don’t need no stinking badges either. Take back American law and soverinity, invade Mexico now, the fifty first state, hey they are allready here so why not?
at May 24, 2007 2:06 PM
Take back American law and soverinity, invade Mexico now, the fifty first state, hey they are allready here so why not?
Just take back the northern states of Mexico. They have most of the factories. We can drive the drug gangs farther south. The farther we go the smaller the border becomes. I'd rather skip Mexico City, though, so just stay up north.
Probably break them into two or three states - they'll have some extra votes in the senate, but one more California is too much.
at May 24, 2007 2:15 PM
Hey, I’m a Californian, you think we have surrendered? Not hardly, it only took ten percent of us to win the revolution and we have much more than that here. Ya know, California gets a bad rap, some of my friends have moved to Texas/Colorado among other states, they want to come back now, sorry too late the RE market has gone ballistic. As I have said, we can’t run away and I’m not planning to, just think of us as Fort Apache California, and be prepared to live free or die hard.
Posted by: tgusa at May 24, 2007 2:31 PM
I would live in California before I would live on the east coast/gulf coast, any coast. The terror sponsoring states there are no substitute for California. In California we at least take the islamofascist threat seriously, and we didn’t need planes slammed into buildings and Americans jumping to their deaths to figure it out. So who’s the dummy here California or the other should have known better states?
Posted by: tgusa at May 24, 2007 2:52 PM
This article is quite clearly a sarcastic article by Mr Spencer, to hide his well known Lutherphobia.
Despite the strenuous efforts of noted Lutheran 'scholars' repudiating the doctrine of Crusadery, noted Lutherphobists such as Mr Spencer, a professed catholic, who has never forgiven the divide created by Luther and the resulting dissolution of worldwide Christendom united under a supreme pontificate, continue to insist that Crusadery is not inner struggle but actually bent on world domination.
Where is CALR when you need it.
at May 24, 2007 5:20 PM
I just heard a rumor that the Baptists have declared a holy war against Methodists because Methodists continue the unholy act of sprinkling instead of full baptism. It does not matter that
Methodists do not want to get their shoes wet.
Methodists consider the baptismal that is usually in the back of the church basement to be phoney anyway.
Posted by: Pelayo at May 24, 2007 9:02 PM
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