If that were true, this "Dr. Evil" Laser would be used more often.

Arafat died of AIDS that he caught from one of his guards I hear.....

Posted by: Prickzilla at March 21, 2005 3:11 PM

This Arafat we hear so much about is endlessly uninteresting.

As a taxpayer in the civilized world, I am interested in only one thing. When is the reading of the will, and when wil the $5-6 billion dollars he made off with going to be returned to the taxpayers of America and Europe, who supplied all that money?

Posted by: Hugh at March 21, 2005 4:40 PM

Excellent "Austin Powers" plot idea, there Prickzilla.

Sarcasm, baby, is ON.

**************************************************
[EVIL Zionist Headquarters, Moon]

DR. EVIL: Okay, listen up, little fellow-conspirator lizardoids; Arafat owes me about a cool million on skimmed US funds for Palestine, and he won't cough it up. So, he has to die and I have developed a clever plan to do it. What we're going to do is develop a very small but potent energy-emission device that will send out beams of light in very narrow wave spectra. This device, which I call a "la-ser" [does the 'finger quotation thing' (FQT)] will be used to kill Arafish - I mean, Arafat. This "la-ser" [FQT] will be carried by our most devious Zionist-Mossad agents and when they get close enough, they'll shoot him right in the frickin' head with it - yes, what is it, Number Two?

NUMBER TWO: I'm sorry, sir, it's just that small, portable lasers are already commonplace technology, evil-technology-wise.

DE: Wha? [Others around the table are already nodding. Scott has a big teenager smirk on his face.]

NT: I'm afraid it's true, Doctor Evil. The Mossad have been using them for years to collect the eyes of Palestinian children - or burn them out, that conspiracy theory's never been too clear. The Russians used them to perpetrate

DE: Well, is it too much to ask that maybe some of my evil henchmen could, I don't know, speak up before now instead of letting me prattle on like a complete a-hole? I mean, throw me a bone here, people, honestly. All right, screw Arafat; we'll let the AIDS get him. Instead, we'll just threaten to blow up the world again, all right? [General nods around table.] Okay - stick with what works; that's a good note for everyone here. I want someone to send out a memo. That's lunch, people.
**************************************************

Only three questions remain:
1) Er, ah - not to doubt the story and all (HECK, no) but where'd the 'Israeli agents' go after being captured and having their passports taken? They use watch-lasers to cut their way out of their holding cell? Or maybe they rappelled up the side of the dormant volcano they were being held in? Dangerous individuals, I'm sure. If they were helped to escape, I think Arafat's people should concentrate their search for the Israeli's accomplices on any beautiful, intelligent, sultry women in their organization who wear tight-fitting clothing and are keenly efficient with deadly weaponry but never use it on enemy secret agents.

2) How EXACTLY does a "la-ser" [FQT] cause AIDS? I know a guy who works with "la-sers" [FQT] - should I warn him about the health risks? How precisely, again, does a "la-ser" [FQT] cause a person to die of AIDS? Seriously, I can see how someone would use a "la-ser" could be used to finish someone off who was ALREADY dying of AIDS, but how would it cause it? (On a serious note, is this a kind of 'trial balloon' to get an early deflection on the fact that he did in fact die of AIDS? Does this mean that the news is indeed coming out? This ought to be interesting. - Geoff)

/sarcasm off

3) Why was that movie not funny in the theaters, but funny at home on the TV? Why does it get funnier the more I watch it? Is it a 'shared-experience' thing? People use Austinisms around the department. Is this it?

Geoff

Posted by: Geoff at March 21, 2005 5:10 PM

Where do I get me one of them new fangled "laser devices?" Does it only work on 75-year old men?

Posted by: 3812Michelle at March 21, 2005 5:19 PM

Good Lord, if Israel had wanted to kill him, he would have been dead years ago ala Rantisi.

Posted by: Carolyn2 at March 21, 2005 5:59 PM

Random thoughts about laser weapons, dead fascists, evil organisations and how media never quite gets the whole story:

**************************************************
AP - The well-known and charismatic military officer and politician, Darth Vader, is reported to be dead.

Vader, 43, was reportedly killed by Rebel agents after a vicious duel with the infamous rebel Luke Skywalker on an orbiting military station near the forest moon of Endor.

Details as to the exact nature of his demise are sketchy at this time, but military officials describe an extensive battle with Skywalker, who used a type of "laser sword" to inflict severe injuries on Vader before escaping. Officials would neither confirm nor deny connections between Vader's death and that of Emperor Palpatine, announced earlier this week.

Vader, a widower, was notable in the known Galaxy for his work against the 'Jedi Knights', an organization with fascistic leanings opposed to the Galactic Empire, and for the centralisation and concentration of governmental authority. A highly religious man, Vader was notable for his outreach into rural systems, and as a voice against the ongoing Rebellion.

Vader is survived by two children.
**************************************************

Meh, makes me laugh. As I say, even AP don't get the entire story all the time.

Geoff

Posted by: Geoff at March 21, 2005 6:52 PM

Prickzilla: touche

I read the article and had my own Dr.Evil
vision of this far fetched claim.

After the settlement in the Tenn. Dell plant
I joked about the new PC called the "infiDell"
which would appease CAIR and their "Rent-A-Mob"
Yahoo's that thrive on Paranoia and denial.

Again,Touche

I tip my hat to you.

Posted by: ala-sux at March 21, 2005 6:54 PM

What next ? He'll say Luke Skywalker killed him with a lightsabre ?

Posted by: tranmere_rover at March 21, 2005 7:03 PM

As usual, another outlandish acusation by some Islamic nut case that's devoid of merit and totally laughable. Besides, does any infidel give two tinkers damn about what caused the evil basterds lights to go out anyway?

Posted by: krkrjak at March 21, 2005 7:30 PM

"Posioned by high technology"??
BWAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Here, suck down a cup of Modernity, or how 'bout a deadly draught of Evolution?!

Posted by: Mike at March 21, 2005 7:30 PM

Well, at least their conspiracy theories are getting a little more imaginative, albeit still ludicrous and scientifically impossible, unless the Qur'an is their only source of scientific study. Then anything is possible, but only if a muslim does it.

This plausible explanation for Arafat's untimely demise has been ignored by the world media, who adored the vile old terrorist and would love nothing more than to pin his assassination on Israel. I knew it would take an astute and wise muslim to solve this heinous crime. Evidence is not necessary; everyone knows Israel did it.

Posted by: Susanp at March 21, 2005 9:25 PM

Wild imaginations and fancies are right up the PA Muslim alley. Think about it - they have been selling this story from their Koran and hadiths to recruit youths for their suicide squad that shahids will be rewarded with 72 gorgeous celestial virgins (at least 2 celestial virgins for each non-shahid Muslim man) and the shahids will have the sexual prowess of 100 men to cope with the task.

You can verify the Islamic teaching of this erotic fantasy in http://63.175.194.25/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&lv=browse&QR=10053&dgn=4

Mothers of such Palestinian shahids had actually distributed sweets to friends and relatives after their sons' martyrdom to celebtrate their weddings in paradise.
Check out http://www.pmw.org.il/home.htm
to see documentation of this.

Posted by: Nicolei at March 21, 2005 10:56 PM

The PA have learnt well their lessons from Adolf Hitler.

If you tell a Lie, make sure it is a Huge one.
Do not whisper it but should it as loud as you can with all the emotion you can muster.
then everyone will believe you.

Posted by: chevalier de st george at March 21, 2005 11:38 PM

The Canadian passports bit ties in nicely with Canada wanting to call them in so the word Israel could be removed if they were born in Jerusalem.

Helps to justify it, if they can make out there are some dangerous Canadian nationals born in Israel, doesn't it?
-----------------------

If you have a few minutes check take a look at what it says about Arafat in Ion Mihai Pacepa's 'Red Horizon'. Pacepa was ond Ceaucescu's inner circle before he defected and gives accounts of what Arafat got up to when he would come to Romania, such as having sex with his body guards whilst they imitated wild animals such as lions and hyenas.

Posted by: Elephant at March 22, 2005 3:29 AM

Laser, AIDS, natural causes....who cares, it was still a great day when that old bastard died!

Posted by: Buck at March 22, 2005 10:04 AM

Yeah,it's all true.

In fact,it actually says on Arafat's death certificate under reason for death,"Him killed by white man's big medicine".

JLP

Posted by: John Lee Pedimore at March 22, 2005 11:20 AM

Sex with his bodyguards while they imitated animals.

My God, how the low have fallen lower. That's hilarious.

Geoff

Posted by: Geoff at March 22, 2005 12:15 PM

Geoff,

Since you were tickled by Arafat's amorous antics,

here's what is says:

'Red Horizon' p.36, I M Pacepa

'
I had just called the microphone monitoring centre to ask about the 'Fedayee', he said. That had been Arafat's code name for a number of years.
'After the meeting with the Comrade , he went directly to the guest house and had dinner. At this very moment the 'Fedayee' was in his bedroom making love to his bodyguard. The one I knew was his latest lover. He's playing tiger again. The officer monitoring his microphone connected me live with the bedroom, and the squawling almost broke my eardrums. Arafat was roaring like a tiger, and his lover yelping like a hyena'.
Using his napkin Munteanu wiped his hands, then his right ear. "I've never seen before so much cleverness, blood and filth all together in one man".

Posted by: Elephant at March 22, 2005 1:07 PM

Such irrational, dishonest tripe just illustrates why these people haven't progressed much in 800 years!

Posted by: Jakester at March 22, 2005 1:44 PM

You can see photos of the laser weapon used at the following blog:

http://dmdlp.blogspot.com/2005/03/arafat-killed-by-high-tech-laser.html

Posted by: Don Miguel at March 23, 2005 3:27 AM