“Terms of Internment: How to win friends and influence enemy combatants,” from Alan Bromley in Opinion Journal, with thanks to EPG:
Well, I think we should not close Gitmo but write a new set of rules of procedure for the treatment of terrorists, those who often either hide behind civilians when being shot at or kill innocent civilians to show how tough they are. The new rules, with the working title of, “Terms of Internment”, should be:
“¢ We really, really respect all your beliefs and all your writings, even if you use them as your basis for killing us.
“¢ We want you to retain your beliefs, and therefore we will continue to supply you with every written word that reinforces your instinct to kill.
“¢ We will honor those words, at all times, as much as you do, lest we offend you.
“¢ We will only serve you the best humus available, from Zabar’s (serving airline food is a severe violation of these protocols), or have kosher catering from the nearest kabbalah center.
“¢ We will cover our women, from head to toe, in your presence, lest you be unduly offended–or aroused.
“¢ We will give each prisoner one innocent civilian to hide behind during interrogations.
“¢ We will prepare each prisoner a list of 72 virgins (or give them 72 raisins, I forget which they want).
“¢ We will never lie to you or try to deceive you in our quest for your information.
“¢ We will neither wake you early, nor keep you up late, and will always wait until your prayer sessions are complete before questioning you.
“¢ We will house you in no less than five-star accommodations, and if all the hotels are booked, will place you in the five homes owned by Sen. John Kerry and his wife.
Funny, sure, but how different is it from what the hysterical people who equate Gitmo with Nazi death camps really want?