It’s the gala event of the year! The glitterati are all arriving in their limousines here at the Freedom Palace in beautiful downtown Secure Undisclosed Locationville…oh look, there’s Brigitte Bardot — and isn’t that the guy who played Gimli the dwarf? And there’s Myrna Loy, and Conrad Veidt…and look! Leslie Howard! Oh, this is so exciting!
The flashbulbs are popping, the stars are walking up the red carpet (Lizabeth Scott! Joey Bishop! Francis X. Bushman! Doris Dowling! And, oh, that fat man from A Touch of Evil!). Everyone is anxious to see the winners accept their Dhimmis (it’s a little gold statuette of a cringing, simpering, bowing and scraping non-Muslim). The Anti-Dhimmi, of course, is a proud figure standing straight up, looking ahead, not ready to bow down to anyone.
And there’s that little group of protestors across the street, carrying their signs and marching — “BUSH SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN NOMINATED.” “DOWN WITH YOU, ROBERT SPENCER, AND THE CAMEL YOU RODE IN ON.” “TEXANS AIN’T DHIMMIS.”
And now the triumphant moment has come. The crowd is hushed. Hugh and I, decked out in our shiny new powder blue tuxes ($49.99 at WalMart, but they look spiffy), stand at the podium. Hugh hands me the envelope…
The American Dhimmi of the Year 2005…RAMSEY CLARK!!
Dhimmi Internationale 2005…GEORGE GALLOWAY!!
And now comes the best part: the heroes of our age, the people who are standing in the breach, the catchers in the rye…the envelopes, Hugh?
Anti-Dhimmi Internationale 2005…ORIANA FALLACI!!
The American Anti-Dhimmi of the Year 2005…TOM TANCREDO!!
Congratulations to all the winners…you are all such lovely people…I blow you all kisses! Thank you for coming! Enjoy the dance!