Dear Najis Infidel Leader of the Great Satan,
As-salaamu alaa manitaba al-Huda.
It disgusts me that your unclean Satanic hands will be touching the same paper on which I am writing now, but I am nevertheless writing in the interests of world peace.
Your demonic actions to limit our peaceful nuclear aspirations and endeavors to destroy the Satanic Zionist Entity have made this a time of acute tension between the world’s Dajjal, the United States, and the noble and utterly peaceful Islamic Republic of Iran.
You think you can defeat us? ROFL! Like, if you even try this, the same mesmerizing light from Heaven that transfixed the UN diplomats when I spoke in New York will envelop the White House in a weird blue paralyzing glow. This will prevent you from peering into my soul and stealing its secrets, as you have with Merkel and Putin.
For the sake of peace in the world, it is time for us to work together to find new solutions for getting out of international problems and current fragile situation of the world.
Accordingly, I invite you to accept Islam. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has promised that if you do, your lives and property will be safe (Bukhari, vol. 1 bk. 2 no. 24).
But if you don’t, they won’t be. Nuclear fire from Allah will rain down upon your heads and jinni will appear in all major American cities to cut off the hands and feet on opposite sides of those who create fitnah.
Since you are well aware that Islam is a religion of peace, I am confident that you will see the wisdom of this proposal, and the promise of world peace that it brings.
Think of this as “phasers set on stun” — for now!!!! LOL!!!!!
Stay as sweet as you are and write back soon! LOL!
*SWAK* (Oooooh, gross-out city!!!!)
Death to America!
“Ahmadinejad sends letter to Bush,” from the BBC, with thanks to Interested:
Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has written to George W Bush proposing “new solutions” to their differences.
The letter will be sent via the Swiss Embassy which represents US interests in Iran, a government spokesman said.
Mr Ahmadinejad proposes “new solutions for getting out of international problems and current fragile situation of the world”, he said….
Iranian foreign ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi told Iran’s Isna news agency that once Mr Bush had received the letter, the contents would be made public.
The BBC’s Frances Harrison in Tehran says whatever is in the letter, it is significant because it is the first such high-level communication between Iran and America for almost three decades.
As such it is a bold step by Mr Ahmadinejad, and the timing is key – just as the West is trying to persuade Russia and China to back tough action against Iran, she says.
Mr Ahmadinejad is reinforcing the point that he is willing to negotiate with anyone, including the US president, to avoid conflict over the nuclear issue, our correspondent adds….
Glossary for my letter:
“Najis” = unclean, impure.
“As-salaamu alaa manitaba al-Huda” = Peace be upon the rightly guided (i.e., Peace be upon the Muslims). This is a common Muslim greeting to infidels; Islamic law forbids them to greet unbelievers with “As-salaamu aleikum,” or “Peace be upon you.” Ahmadinejad, of course, is not an Arab, but I thought it a fitting greeting for my fictional letter in light of his Islamic fervency.
“Dajjal” = the personification of evil who will terrorize the world in the end times until (according to Shi’ite Muslim eschatology), he is slain by the Imam Mahdi, a savior figure. Many suspect that Ahmadinejad identifies the latter with Iran or possibly even with himself.
“ROFL” = “rolling on the floor laughing.”
“PBUH” = “peace be upon him.” It is standard Muslim practice to add this after every mention of a prophet’s name.
“Jinni” = spirit beings.
“Fitnah” = disturbance, unrest.
“LOL” = laughs out loud.
“SWAK” = “sealed with a kiss.”