Charles at LGF has linked to a terrific parody of/addendum to Michelle Malkin’s magnificent “I am John Doe” piece, skewering the Huffington Post’s willfully clueless Leftist jihad enablers. It’s from Bad Example.
Dear Muslim Freedom Fighter/Patriot/Hero/Martyr/Brother,
You do not know me. But I act as lookout for you. You are my friend. And I am yours.
I am Huff Po.
I am flying my private plane. I am riding in my limosine. I have never ridden a bus. And the subway? Feh. That’s for the little people. I am living in a gated community. I always use the VIP entrance. We’ll probably never actually meet unless you’re holding the door for me.
I am your flag-burner. I am your effigy-hanger. I am your high-calorie hunger-striker. I am your unshaven documentary-maker.
I am Huff Po.
I will never forget the example of the thoughtless, disruptive passengers of United Airlines Flight 93, and how racist it was of them not to just sit back on 9/11 and let the brave Muslims land the plane safely after the pilot… fell unexpectedly ill.
I will never forget those stupid, racist passengers and crew members who tackled the unfairly-accused, alleged “al Qaeda shoe-bomber” Richard Reid on American Airlines Flight 63 before he had a chance to explain that he was just using that match to find a dropped contact lens in the darkness by his feet. Perfectly understandable. Happens all the time.
I will applaud your Zionist-conspiracy-hating, American-imperialism-bashing scholars.
I will donate to your misunderstood mosque leaders as reparations for the injustices your people suffered during the Crusades.
I will raise my voice against the subjugation of your women and religious minorities to greedy American corporate interests like Halliburton and Wal-Mart.
I will embrace your attempts to educate my children with your wisdom and different truths in our schools. YAY! Diversity!
I will call in a few favors to assist your Beltway lobbying groups in moderate clothing so that they may air their many legitimate grievances. I will be right next to you shrieking “profiling” or “Islamophobia” if you don’t get your way. Or maybe “Bush = Hitler”. Man, I can NEVER get enough of that one!
I will put sensitivity above all else. Above safety, my family, my country, multiculturalism… No, wait… not that last one.
I will do whatever you want me to. Because I’m your friend. And I know you would never hurt me….
Read it all.