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Fitzgerald: The first annual Dhimmi Bake-Off

May 12, 2007 8:37 am By Hugh Fitzgerald

Every single “Mosque Outreach” evening friends of mine have attended, and taken notes on, around the country, always ends with some pita and chicken and then something baklavish. All very good. The whole thing is down to a science. Muslim websites, carefully instructing Muslims in how to woo and win over teachers and administrators at their children’s schools (to obtain even in public schools quite exaggerated “accommodation” for the exercise, on sight, of Islam) talk about being sure to invite them for meals, and even what kinds of things to serve.

It’s like the emphasis on Ramadan — the kind of thing that always forms the deceptive center of any “presentation” of Islam. The rituals of Shehada, zakat, salat, Ramadan, and hajj — but never a word about Asma bint Marwan, Aisha, or the more than one-hundred blood-curdling Jihad verses in the Qur’an, or the even more menacing hadith.
Who has gone to enough of these “Muslim-Christian” and “Muslim-Jewish” Dialogue things to send in recipes, so that the “Dhimmi Cookbook” can be compiled and put up on the Internet? You know, what spices were in that chicken that was so delicious you forgot all about asking why Sura 9.29 says what it does, or what the effect of the doctrine of abrogation is? And that honeyed pastry — how exactly did they make it so flaky that you neglected to ask about why the name Osama has become, in the Muslim countries, since 9/11/2001 the most popular boy’s name?

And…well, you get the idea. The next time you happen to attend one of those Open Houses offered by a smiling imam, and the handful of congregants willing to show up, as Potemkin worshippers, to endure having to welcome some awful Infidel visitors, in order to present an evening of taqiyya/kitman (and at the end of the evening, a very tasty Pakistani buffet, with chicken and rice, is waiting in the next room) — well, when the routine goes into the “we are all Abrahamic faiths, we are all share a belief in Monotheism” someone must really interject: “Yes, Tawhid. But in Islam’s case, Tawhid and Jihad. And that is the problem.”

Do go. Check out the bathrooms with the watering-cans, stuff the “Free Palestine” and “Kashmir” and other booklets into your pockets, carefully note (bring a concealed little camera and tape-recorder) everything with great interest, and enjoy the spicy chicken and the honeyed dessert. Listen carefully to the spiel; take notes. Bring friends and distribute yourselves throughout the audience. Ask a few questions: about the Hadith, about the Sira. Ask about Aisha, about Asma bint Marwan, Abu Afak, the Khaybar Oasis. Ask about 9.29 and 9.5. Hell, just bring a whole list of Jihad passages and a half-dozen hadith, and read them with a furrowed brow, expressive of “gosh darn it, I have a problem with some of this stuff” — and make sure your friends do exactly the same thing. Keep it up.

Ruin the evening. Ruin all such evenings. But be sweet, be polite, be innocent. Make it work for you. And then make sure you discuss with other attendees — the real naifs — what you have learned. Oh, if you want, bring a book or two just to quote from it. How about one by Spencer?

Do go. A good time will be had by all. The general consternation, head-turning and so forth, will be most salutary.

But this most likely won’t happen. The people are too nice, too smiling, too obviously gentle and sincere. And the food is just too delicious.

Recipes, recipes. There is now being planned a Dhimmi Bake-off, based on recipes compiled by those who have gone to five or more such “dialogues” held at Mosques. Recipes may be sent in to Jihad Watch. They will in turn be sent on to the Judges who will decide whether or not these would-be dhimmis have correctly identified the ingredients in the “secret recipes” of these Dhimmi-Night-at-the-Mosque-or-Student-Muslim-Association Affairs.

Try your luck. Just attend a few such “dialogues” or “outreach” sessions. Be sure to help yourself to the delicious food. Then, as best you can, write down what you think the recipe was.

No need to actually cook the item. Simply send in that recipe to us, and we will forward it to the Panel of Judges of the Protected Peoples.

Judges include, for this first year, Sheik Al-Qaradawi, Khaled Abou el Fadl, Leila Abu-Lughod, Fatima Mernissi, and Leila Khaled, who will decide which recipes come close enough to the real one.

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