WASHINGTON, DC PARODY CENTRAL, February 23 — Researchers at the Prince Alwaleed bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding announced Monday that they had perfected a new vaccine for Islamophobia and submitted it for FDA approval. After that approval is granted, the vaccine is expected to be mass-marketed in early 2015.
John Esposito, director of the Saudi-funded Center, announced at a press conference unveiling the vaccine: “The vaccine comes in handy sugar cube form. So when your bigoted, hateful uncle starts mouthing off at Christmas dinner about the need to resist Islamic jihad, just offer to sweeten up his tea — and presto! In no time he’ll be subscribing to Aslan Media!”
Nihad Awad, Director of the Hamas-linked Council on American-Islamic Relations, said in a statement: “CAIR applauds the new Islamophobia vaccine. We have tested it in a clinical trial on some of the nation’s greasiest Islamophobes. We gave the subjects the vaccine, then showed them footage of Islamic jihad attacks, complete with the jihadis brandishing Qur’ans and rifles and screaming ‘Allahu akbar’ as they torched churches and beheaded non-Muslims. The results were immediate and immensely gratifying.”
Corey Saylor, Hamas-linked CAIR’s Director of Hounding Counter-Jihadists and Stirring Up “Islamophobia” Hysteria, elaborated: “Instead of calling for resistance to jihad terror, and the monitoring of mosques, and programs in those mosques to teach against jihad violence and the interpretation of Islamic texts and teachings that jihadis use to justify that violence, once the vaccine kicked in these former greasy Islamophobes began saying very different things. They’d see these jihad attacks and say things like, ‘I fear there will be a backlash against innocent Muslims,’ and ‘We need to address the poverty and inequality that gives rise to the resentments that fuel attacks like these.’ Best of all, some of them even started saying, ‘We need to send money to CAIR so they can buy more billboards saying that jihad is romping through the daisies. That’s the Islamic reform we need!'”
Reza Aslan of Aslan Media declared: “I’m an expert on the new Islamophobia drug. I have a Ph.D. in it. I had a big hand in its development, in fact. I was present when we made participants at clinical trials, all seriously greasy Islamophobes, spit at and trample upon photos of those Islamophobic f**ks Pamela Geller and Robert Spencer. I knew then that the vaccine was a success.”
Ibrahim Hooper, Hamas-linked CAIR’s Director of Taqiyya Advancement, added: “The big breakthrough came when CAIR researchers discovered that we could equate honest investigation of how jihadis use Islamic teachings to justify violence and supremacism with attacks on innocent Muslims, and classify both as ‘Islamophobia,’ a clinical disorder. After that, it was only a matter of time before our researchers would develop an antidote. Part LSD, part valium, part cannibis sativa, our new Islamophobia vaccine’s full recipe is as closely guarded secret as the recipe for Coca-Cola. But one thing we can reveal: this vaccine makes you feel very, very good. We think it could challenge Ecstasy as the new party drug. After all, what other drug makes you stop worrying and love the jihad?”
Islam_Macht_Frei says
Is it April 1 already? The month of March just flew by!
john spielman says
That would be great news, except for one tiny side effect: the vaccine causes the DEATH in everyone who accepts it!
john spielman says
it also cause serious encephalomalacia( softening of the brain) before they die!
CogitoErgoSum says
A vaccine for Islamophobia? That would just be covering up the symptoms of the real disease. Shouldn’t someone be working on a vaccine against Islam?
jihad3tracker says
Laughs are hard to come by for Islamo-realists like all of the wonderful extended family at JW — magnificent Robert and we loyal readers…
Thanks to the imp who wrote this !!! I won’t ask but I can guess.
11B40 says
Greetings:
I heard that an Austrian-speaking psychiatrist who lives and works in Vienna had developed something he refers to as “Talk Therapy” which he uses to cure Islamophobiacs and which is considered “halal” by all Muslimaniacs because it doesn’t involve any vaccines or vaccinations. Sigmund Freud or something is his name.
Allah-you-akbarred
infidel says
and because it doesn’t contain pork
PJG says
I suspect the makers of this vaccine have been too impatient to begin making a profit, and needed to conduct more research. Have they studied the effects of this drug on Muslims or non-Islamophobic people? It might be hard to find volunteers, but perhaps some subterfuge could be considered. If tolerance of jihad is the effect on non-Muslims, one can surmise that “tolerance” generally is the effect it would have on any human being. Furthermore, if the drug reduces intolerance and increases a kind of dopiness in Islamophobes, higher doses of the drug could produce interesting results, especially in control groups.
CAIR members and other supporters of this vaccine should at the very least allow themselves to be subjected to trials of this drug to prove it has incontrovertibly harmless results. The results should then be monitored by suitably qualified and disinterested non-Muslim physicians: Jews and Christians would be excellent candidates for this role.
Non-Islamophobic users of the vaccine must be monitored especially carefully. Their tolerance of their own stupidity and of Islamic jihad might switch to a tolerance of islamophobes and sudden, alarming interest in groups such as the Q Society.
Therefore, if the drug got into the wrong hands, so to speak, its effects could have exactly the opposite of those intended by its well-meaning inventors.
shrugger says
Firstly – WTF?!?
Secondly – Since righteous Anger isn’t an irrational fear. The results will be disappointing, to say the least. lol
mortimer says
How about anti-Islamophobia Kool-Aid? Guaranteed to put you into a state where you don’t mind being enslaved by jihadists. Also called Sharia-in-packet-form…just add Zam Zam water and stir with a sword. Bonk your head on the floor until you feel dizzy, then drink it down until you don’t care anymore about free speech.
nassar says
Can you smoke it too?
mortimer says
I was just vaccinated. Jihad is floral arrangement, not beheading.
Infovoyeur says
The vakseen ploy was largely unnecessary. Already Islamistamnesia can be transmitted not by ingestion/injection, but by simple aerial transfer by mistie molecules. It is already in miasma-sufficient quantities in the Very Air one Breaths within el Liberal Pacifist Utopian sektors, quarters, venues in the “educational” etablissement and is morffing out wards as a MeMeme going viral. Against which Truth (not Truth Serum) is largely ineffective. To avoid infection, you have to Step Outside the Box, far enuf so that as E. A. Bell said, “At one point one knows enough that one cannot go back…”
mariam rove says
I have said this before. Major Pharmas should start developing a pill so muslims do not get their feelings hurt With 1.5 billion of them this will be a great revenue for them. M
Joe P. says
The muslims developing this islamophobia vaccine have discovered that it must never be administered to muslims. A few minutes after one of the muslim scientists accidentally dropped one of the laced sugar cubes into his tea, then drank a few sips without realizing what could happen, he slapped himself in the head, then jumped out of his chair, exclaiming “OMG! What the hell have I been so afraid of! From now on, I’m going to be an atheist!”. Then he even began to sing and dance a bit. His fellow muslim scientists begged him to avoid losing his head, but seeing that there was no hope for the poor fellow, a knife was located and the penalty for apostasy administered.
PRCS says
Nihad “The Wad” and his pal Corey “The Sailor” are parodies.
gravenimage says
New Islamophobia vaccine to be ready by 2015!
WASHINGTON, DC PARODY CENTRAL, February 23 — Researchers at the Prince Alwaleed bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding announced Monday that they had perfected a new vaccine for Islamophobia and submitted it for FDA approval..
………………………………..
Both grimly hilarious and very chilling.
There’s only one problem, though:
“Muslim doctor: vaccination is ‘un-Islamic’”
http://blog.chron.com/sciguy/2007/02/muslim-doctor-vaccination-is-un-islamic/
Of course, they will just be administering it to the “filthy Kuffar”, so it might be Halal after all….
More:
…once the vaccine kicked in these former greasy Islamophobes began saying very different things. They’d see these jihad attacks and say things like, ‘I fear there will be a backlash against innocent Muslims,’ and ‘We need to address the poverty and inequality that gives rise to the resentments that fuel attacks like these.’ Best of all, some of them even started saying, ‘We need to send money to CAIR so they can buy more billboards saying that jihad is romping through the daisies. That’s the Islamic reform we need!’”
………………………………..
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
Robert, we’ll know they’ve gotten to you if you change the name of “Jihad Watch” to “Islamophobia Watch”.
Oh, wait—there is, of course, already is a such a ludicrous site…
http://www.islamophobia-watch.com/
My “favorite”? That would be this headline:
“Muslims feel targeted over Woolwich killing”
MccoyCindy says
This is the most stupid thing I have ever heard!!!! But it might explain why they are trying to get to our water supplies!!! These folks are nuts!!!!! No one in my family is for my enemy so when I see jihad ranting folks it would not be a relative of mine!! Father God, thwart their plans!!!
Ayatrollah says
The Obama administration lauds the drug as a new partnership between East and west and called for the drug administration to put it on a fast track for approval.
Jan Sobieski says
Must be some potent witch’s brew to erase ‘islamophobia’ so quickly. must contain some eye of newt, pig’s ears and comes wrapped in bacon.
There has been a cure against islam around for years — it is the USMC !!!!
Defcon 4 says
The USMC did a good job in Tripoli against the islam0nazi pirates there — back when the US had more honest and patriotic leadership.
Isabellathecrusader says
Amen.
Inchoate says
Re:
“….— Researchers at the Prince Alwaleed bin Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding …”
…..is, “The Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding was founded in 1993 at ..[Roman Catholic] …Georgetown University in Georgetown, Washington, D.C., United States. Following a $20 million gift from Saudi Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal in 2005 the center was renamed the Prince Alwaleed Bin-Talal Center for Muslim-Christian Understanding.[1] The gift was one of two to US universities, with the other going to Harvard.
The founding director is John Esposito.[citation needed]…”
-end paste.
These Saudi Arabs and Muslims in general are laughing at us, playing us for fools. Nothing is being said to question that openly. This is lethal “political correctness”.
Petey says
Sooo… we can get a lobotomy in a pill now? are these clowns serious?
James Foard says
It seems recent attempts by Great Britain and certain Catholic Bishops to quarantine you and Pamela Geller have utterly failed. This is trickier than the bird flu. Everywhere you go there seems to be an outbreak. If I ever go to hear you speak, I’m going to wear a face mask and rubber gloves-you must be a carrier.
Isabellathecrusader says
This is a joke, right? Am I reading The Onion or Jihadwatch?
Susan Wolf says
This sooooo crazy. And leave it to Reza Aslan to jump in and take credit for it!!! These muzzies just show their stupidity over and over and over.