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101 Muhammads Jailed by U.S. Anti-Terror Agencies Since 9/11

Jul 16, 2016 2:36 pm By Robert Spencer

Not that this has anything to do with…uh…

Muhammed-collage

“101 Muhammads Jailed by U.S. Anti-Terror Agencies Since 9/11,” by Neil Munro, Breitbart, July 15, 2016:

U.S. anti-jihad agencies have jailed or arrested 101 men since 2001 who are named for Muhammad, the reputedly final and perfect prophet of Islam, despite President Barack Obama’s insistence that Islamic “violent extremism” – and the 101 Muhammads – have nothing to do with Islam.

One hundred Muhammads are listed in two Senate documents describing 711 arrests or convictions since 2001, when Khalid Sheikh Mohammed sent Mohamed Atta and 18 others to destroy the Twin Towers.

On July 5, immigrant Mohamed Bailor Jalloh was charged with aiding terrorists, making him the 101st Muhammad. 

The lists do not include any Muhammads who have attacked European targets, such as Mohamed Lahouaiej Bouhlel, who used a truck to kill more than 80 people in Nice, France, on July 14.

The prevalence of so many Muhammads on the federal arrest tally obviously does not mean that all or most people named Muhammad are about to go jihad on their neighbors. Names are not destiny – only one Joseph has become a Russian dictator, only one Albert developed the theory of relativity, and only one Patrick reputedly drove the snakes out of Ireland. In fact, only a very small percentage of Muslims in America try to live up to their ideology’s violent ideals – and perhaps half have walked away from the Islamic faith of their fathers. 

But the sheer number of Muhammads who try to emulate their namesake’s violent actions contradicts the insistence by federal officials – and by much of the media – that the terrorist attackers have nothing to do with true Islam.

“Muhammad” and its derivatives are very common Arabic names because orthodox Muslims teach that an Arab man named Muhammad conveyed Allah’s religion of Islam first to the Arabs and to the rest of the world, starting in 610. That belief is a near-universal source of pride among Muslim Arabs, even though many experts question whether Muhammad actually existed. Moreover, the Koran, which Muslims believe is an exact copy of Allah’s commandments, urges Muslims to emulate Muhammad, the reputed “Messenger of Allah.”

There has certainly been for you in the Messenger of Allah an excellent pattern for anyone whose hope is in Allah and the Last Day and [who] remembers Allah often.

That divine endorsement of Muhammad’s actions is significant for U.S. security officials because Islam’s scriptures also say Muhammad launched many wars and killed numerous people – including female critics and poets – during his lifetime. The dead poets include ‘Asma’ bint Marwan, Abu Afak, Al Nadir ibn al-Harith, Ka’b ibn al-Ashraf and Abu Rafi’ ibn Abi Al-Huqaiq, according to Islamic scriptures. He’s also a source for the Islamic commandment to murder homosexuals. 

That’s very different from Christians’ emulation of Jesus, who reportedly said “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth,” urged his followers to “Put your sword back in its place … all who draw the sword will die by the sword,” and then allowed himself to be killed on the Romans’ cross. 

Unsurprisingly, the Senate’s lists of arrested or convicted Muslim terrorists include many people who carry Muhammad’s name – Hafiz Muhammad Sher, Muhammad Abid Hussain, Muhammad Riaz Saqi, Gufran Ahmed Kauser Mohammed, Yousef Mohamid Al Khattab, Muhamed Mubayyid, and Muhammad Hamid Khalil Salah, for example. The convicted terrorists and their helpers got sentences ranging from life in prison to suspended penalties. 

The first Muhammad list is titled “DOJ Public/Unsealed Terrorism and Terrorism-Related Convictions 9/11/01-12/31/14.” The second is titled “Individuals Implicated in Terrorism Since March 2014,” because it also includes people who have been charged, but not found guilty. The two documents were prepared by the Senate Committee on the Judiciary’s subcommittee on immigration and the national interest.

A careful analysis of the lists show 100 people carrying a variant of the Muhammad name.

There were 29 Mohammeds, 12 Mohammads, one Mohamid, six Mohamuds, 28 Mohameds, 10 Mohamads, plus 10 Muhammads, one Muhamad, one Muhammed and two Muhameds.

That tally of 100 Muhammads includes two converts who adopted the name — Antonio Martinez AKA Muhammad Hussain, and Jose Pimentel AKA Muhammad Yusuf.

The tally excludes duplicate names. For example, Somali-born Mohamed Osman Mohamud was arrested after he tried to detonate a bomb in 2010 at a Christmas tree-lighting event in Portland, Washington. In 2013, Somali-born Mohamed Mohamed Mohamud was convicted in San Diego of “conspiring to provide material support to the [Somali-based] terrorist group al Shabaab.”

The tally of 101 Muhammads undermine the repeated insistence by President Obama and his deputies that the attacks have nothing to do with Islam.

In February 2015, for example, President Barack Obama insisted that “we are at war with people who have perverted Islam.”

After Omar Mateen killed 49 Americans at the Pulse gay nightclub attack, Obama’s spokesman insisted that terror attacks are launched by groups that “pervert the religion of Islam to justify their murderous, nihilistic agenda.” The spokesman continued:

What they’re also trying to do is to claim the mantle of Islam to describe themselves as holy warriors, or religious leaders, engaged in a conflict with the United States of America. They’re wrong about that. That is a false agenda. That is a myth. That is not true. And this administration and the previous administration have gone to great lengths to debunk that myth and make clear that these organizations are seeking to perpetuate a perverted form of Islam.

That claim is difficult to square with the Muhammad lists, or even with Mateen’s declared support for Muhammad during his 9-1-1 calls:

Omar Mateen: Praise be to God, and prayers as well as peace be upon the prophet of Allah [Muhammad]. I wanna let you know, I’m in Orlando and I did the shootings.
Operator: What’s your name?
OM: My name is I pledge of allegiance to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi of the Islamic State.
O: Ok, What’s your name?
OM: I pledge allegiance to Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi may Allah protect him, on behalf of the Islamic State.

Similarly, the 101st Mohammed –Mohamed Bailor Jalloh  — also justified his planned attack by citing Muhammad. The FBI’s plain-spoken court submission, which remarkably grants an Islamic title to the reputed prophet Mohammad, says;

When discussing attack operations, JALLOH stated he knows such operations are “100 percent the right thing.” JALLOH then asked if [the FBI source] ever thought about targeted operations (targeted killings). JALLOH then identified a person by name who had organized multiple Draw the Prophet Mohammad contests in the United States … this individual would be an ideal focus of a targeted attack because of his/her actions against the Prophet Mohammad….

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Filed Under: Featured, United States, willful ignorance Tagged With: Omar Mateen


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Comments

  1. Hugh Fitzgerald says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 2:43 pm

    And not a single dalmation among them.

    • Don McKellar says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 3:12 pm

      Ha! Funny!

    • Jack Diamond says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 7:09 pm

      There’s probably a Muhammad from Dalmatia Croatia going to prove you wrong.

      Either way, 101 Muhammads should be a new Disney movie, though it would get sued for plagiarism
      since every one of these Muhammads just copies the first one. The barking (mad) seal of the prophets. It wouldn’t be the first Disney horror film. A major comeback for Porky Pig, as the hero.

      • Jack Diamond says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 7:15 pm

        oops Porky, that’s (appropriately)Looney Tunes. He could be loaned out to Disney.

        • abad says

          Jul 16, 2016 at 7:50 pm

          Now that is one idea I really like! LOL

      • gravenimage says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 10:40 pm

        Actually, Porky Pig *has* fought Jihad before:

        Ali Baba Bound, from 1940:

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VVY-iSI69c

        Really, quite brilliant. It also features the first reference I’ve ever seen to a Muslim suicide bomber.

        • Jack Diamond says

          Jul 16, 2016 at 11:37 pm

          Had forgot about that one. And the “suicide squad” with the bullet head.

          Porky knew things we’ve forgotten. No wonder Kipling wrote:
          “you’re a better man than I am, Porky Pig!”

        • gravenimage says

          Jul 17, 2016 at 7:06 pm

          Yes, Jack–Porky may not know much about Islam per se, but he knew that you can’t trust murderous Muslims. A surprisingly clear-eyed take on things from over seventy-five years ago.

      • Bob says

        Jul 17, 2016 at 7:58 am

        ‘Porkies’ (ie, pork pies = lies in cockney rhyming slang.) are permitted, according to the ‘holy’ koran when a muslim is dealing with kafurs!

      • MS Case says

        Jul 17, 2016 at 3:59 pm

        Yea all the mayhem madness attributed to a 1400 year old, Or thereabouts, mad man that no.One can prove really existed. And the world stands still..It’s time to declare war which would give the military and civil auuthorities more flexibility.

    • Rob Hoey says

      Jul 17, 2016 at 11:17 am

      still, it would make an interesting movie–just not a comedy

  2. Jaladhi says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    All Muslim criminals are are named Mohammad emulating the that great criminal Mohammad, inventor of their religion!!

    • Jaladhi says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 2:54 pm

      You know that in Bangladesh its the law have Mohammad in your name – every first name in Bangladesh starts with Mohammad.

      • خَليفة says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 3:27 pm

        BanglaDaesh is proof of Islamic stupidity. No one can make a falsehood, like Islam, true merely by making laws. After all Islam says not to follow man made laws – so by making a law that requires Mohammed in your name is a man made law and is contrary to islam.

        Islam, made by dummies for dummies

  3. gravenimage says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 2:52 pm

    101 Muhammads Jailed by U.S. Anti-Terror Agencies Since 9/11
    …………………

    Yesand that does not count all the Mohammads–with all their variant spellings–also jailed by Britain. France, Germany, Sweden…

    Was anyone surprised that the Nice Jihadist was yet another Mohammad?

    • خَليفة says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      Gosh, golly, gee willikers took me by surprise…..NOT

  4. bytheway says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 2:58 pm

    In the UK a couple of years ago a news publication stated the following regarding baby names: “When all the variations are added together, including Muhammad, Mohammed and Mohammad, the name comes out top with 7,445 counts.”
    How ominous will that be for the UK, I wonder…

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:45 pm

      And it’s not just the UK–that is the case in Paris, and Rotterdam, and quite a few other places in Europe. It does not bode well…

  5. Champ says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    Only 101? Indeed, this is only an *introduction* to how many evil terrorists named muhammad there truly are, since by my count there are thousands more!

    • Champ says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 3:07 pm

      …thousands more that SHOULD have been jailed!

      They ought to be ashamed over this small number.

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:47 pm

      This is just in the US, Champ, with our small Muslim population. There are thousands of others in Britain, in Australia, in Canada, and all over Europe.

  6. Mirren10 says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    What a collection of evil, degenerate faces.

    I used to think Shakespeare’s comment, “there is no art to find the mind’s construction in the face” true, but when I look at these *creatures*, I’ve changed my mind. Blech.

    • linnte says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:34 pm

      I wholeheartedly agree. What IS IT about these men’s faces that makes my stomach roil?

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:49 pm

      Yes–they all adopt the evil dead “shark eyes” expression. *Ugh*.

  7. خَليفة says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Countries should make laws banning the naming of children “Mohamed” or any variation thereof.
    German used to have laws ( I’m not sure if they still do ) restricting the naming of children. It is not an unprecedented concept. If you went to court for a legal name change you most certainly couldn’t change your name to something vulgar.
    Even vanity plates for cars have restriction, although some potentially bad ones slip thru the process.

    • Jack Diamond says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 6:43 pm

      Excellent idea. Every Mohammad-Muhammad has to be changed to George immediately. Or leave dar al-harb. George…or Benjamin or Isaac or Ben Gurion… a short list. Watch the exodus.

      • خَليفة says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 8:45 pm

        I like that idea. How about give Mohammed a choice of new names: Buba, Dufus,, , George, Etc.. Change name or get deported. Buhahaha

        • gravenimage says

          Jul 16, 2016 at 10:52 pm

          Might just make it harder to spot the Mohammedans…

        • خَليفة says

          Jul 16, 2016 at 11:15 pm

          To gravenimage

          The hope is that they leave rather change name. ?

        • gravenimage says

          Jul 17, 2016 at 7:09 pm

          Sounds good, خَليفة.

    • abad says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      In all honesty – Mohammad should qualify as being a

      Spayshul Cz’neauxflayghke

      name.

      LMAO

    • berserker says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 7:53 pm

      Iceland has a state sanctioned list of names.

  8. Angemon says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    In 2013, Somali-born Mohamed Mohamed Mohamud was convicted in San Diego of “conspiring to provide material support to the [Somali-based] terrorist group al Shabaab.”

    “Mohamed Mohamed Mohamud” – my, my, what a creative name…

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:54 pm

      You have to admit it fit him well, Angemon…

      • linnte says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 10:59 pm

        HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

  9. somehistory says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 3:55 pm

    There should have been many, many more. And those named ahmed, achmed, saheed, etc.

    One problem with the article: ” emulation”
    It is possible to *emulate* the evil of the raper of children, mass-murderer of the desert.

    It is not possible to *emulate* Christ Jesus.
    To emulate means to strive to *equal* or *surpass* the one being emulated.

    It is not possible for anyone to equal or surpass Jesus Christ. And all true Christians know this fact.
    Christians attempt to follow Jesus Christ, to follow His perfect example of how to live. No imperfect person can do that perfectly. We can only imitate to some degree, no matter how much we *strive.*

    • خَليفة says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 8:52 pm

      Christians know they are not perfect, that they make errors, but strive to be like Christ. Good Christian feels sorry for bad things they do, and work to eliminate that behavior.

      Islamists rejoice in filth, in sexual perversion, in murder and child abuse. They never feel they do bad, unless they don’t kill enough kuffar, or don’t rape enough women.

      Christians have the golden rule, Muslims do not. Christians are not taught to hate non Christians, Muslims are taught to hate non Muslims.
      Christians follow Christ
      Mohammedans follow Satan vicariously thru Mohammed

      • somehistory says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 10:28 pm

        All true.

      • gravenimage says

        Jul 17, 2016 at 7:10 pm

        Good post.

    • boakai ngombu says

      Jul 17, 2016 at 6:07 pm

      speaking of emulation … don’t see why brothers prefer “Muslim” (slave) to “Mohammedans” (emulators of Muhammed, however, lately contrived)

      to some, it’s as if they’re afraid of being accused of false worship

  10. Dhimmiwit says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 4:57 pm

    This clearly displays the racist Mohamophobic mentality rife in the anti terror agencies. They need to be more inclusive and start arresting ‘Bobs’ and ‘Alans’. No more Mo’s, please!

  11. Wellington says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 5:00 pm

    The ugliest name of all.

  12. Guest says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 5:09 pm

    Only 101? Somebody fire whoever’s in charge and replace them with somebody competent!

  13. Jack Holan says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 6:03 pm

    I can hear sanctimonious Barack Hussain Obama and true enabler Jeh Johnson “mere coincidence”! Nothing to do with Islam Religion of Peace ater all they are named for perfection Mohamed Peace be upon his name

  14. Infidel from Down Under says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 7:42 pm

    And not a Tom,Dick or Harry among the lot of them.Not even your average Joe

  15. Richard says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 7:50 pm

    In short – that’s Muhammad 101

  16. Hamilton says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 9:37 pm

    Although I am very informed on Jihad and Islam, after years of reading and contemplating what would be the best way to defeat Jihad and the resurgence of Islam, I don’t think exposing it and calling it for what it really is will do anything to help the situation. I fear if the world governments (West) decide to call it “for what it is”–AKA: the truth..it could cause a war of destruction. I know it sounds cowardice, but instigating and infuriating Muslim world leaders that in a way or another “see” their religion as peaceful and cooperate with the us in fighting Jihad could turn on “US” as whole. Maybe maintaining the Muslims..at least the ones living in the West believing in this peaceful Islam…maybe one day…..it would “water down” and become to them what Christianity is to us…Christian in the majority don’t even care about the violence in the old testament….what are you guys ideas?

    • somehistory says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:27 pm

      “a way or another “see” their religion as peaceful”

      One problem with that is that moslims have different meanings for many words than what our dictionary says and we understand words to mean.

      Peace to a moslim is not the same thing as peace to the rest of us.
      Innocent has a totally different meaning to moslims than to the rest of us.

      moslims…including *leaders* of countries that seem to be friendly…have a major element to their lives that most people see as Wrong, wrong, wrong….and that element is Lying. They lie at any time they feel that to say how things really are will show the rest of the world the truth about their evil worship of the devil.

      They may say *islam is peaceful* intending for others to think *peaceful* means to them what it means to us. They lie and say their unholy book does not say to hate Jews and Christians and to kill in the name of their false god.

      They want people to see them as something they are not until they reach a level of population so as to be able to take over. Denying what they are really all about doesn’t help the rest of us at all. It only helps islam.

    • linnte says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      Hamilton, I used to think exactly like you. Ask just about any of the old timers here. But the more knowledge of Islam I have acquired the more I realise that Islam is undefeatable unless we EXPOSE it for what it is. It will take ALL of us, the USA, Europe, Britain, Australia to get a basic understanding of Islam and enough info to call for a BAN on Qur’an and Islamic hate texts. The people NEED to rise up. The Muslims need their own country. Not ANY Western country.

      • boakai ngombu says

        Jul 17, 2016 at 6:12 pm

        believers in Christ Jesus, particularly, can no longer remain slothful; their indolence must be stopped

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      In other words, Hamilton, if we pretend that Islam is peaceful, that Muslims will not notice that it is not.

      How is *that* working out for us? After Nice, San Bernardino, Paris, Mumbai, London, Madrid, and all all 28,000+ Jihad terror attacks just since 9/11?

      It seems that even with all the whitewash and Taqiyya and obfuscation that all too many Muslims know *exactly* how violent their vile faith is, and are all too happy to act on it.

      Do you also believe that continuing to pretend that Fascism was peaceful would have prevented the Holocaust?

      Well, it didn’t. You cannot stand against something until you at the very least call it for what it is.

      • linnte says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 11:06 pm

        Well said Graven!

        • gravenimage says

          Jul 17, 2016 at 7:15 pm

          Thank you, Linnte.

    • Wellington says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 11:06 pm

      “…..Christian {sic} in the majority don’t even care about the violence in the Old Testament…..”

      Neither do today’s Jews care about the violence in the OT in the sense of wanting to reenact it because the Bible is often merely descriptive, action for one time and place only, while the Koran is always prescriptive. After all, Orthodox rabbis calling for the stoning of adulteress or severe punishment for eating the wrong food is rather scarce nowadays, now isn’t it?

      Islam cannot be reformed because it is the one major religion that is totalitarian in structure and ideology, as Bertrand Russell noted almost a century ago in his The Practice and Theory of Bolzhevism. Russell rightly compared Islam to fascism and Marxism and there’s no way of reforming Nazism and Communism, now is there?

      Here’s something else as I have noted before at JW: There is nothing good in Islam that can’t be found elsewhere and yet there is much bad in Islam that is difficult to find anywhere else, so what is the damn point of trying to keep any of it around? You’d have to gut it like a fish. Can’t reform rot. Nope, can’t be done. There is no reforming Islam. It must eventually be placed on the trash heap of history or, if it isn’t, than humanity risks being placed there.

      Is Islam this rotten? Is the choice this dire? Yes.

      • gravenimage says

        Jul 17, 2016 at 7:17 pm

        Fine post, Wellington.

  17. billybob says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 10:11 pm

    Mohamed Mohamed el-Amir Awad el-Sayed Atta – a man with two Muhammads in his name – was an Egyptian hijacker and one of the ringleaders of the September 11 attacks who served as the hijacker-pilot of American Airlines Flight 11, crashing the plane into the North Tower of the World Trade Center as part of the coordinated attacks. 15 years later, we are finally learning who sponsored the Al Qaeda group responsible for the attacks of 9/11…

    “More than anything, please know this: The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia provided operational and financial support to the 9/11 hijackers. That is a fact. And, the U.S. government has been covering up that fact for fifteen years — even to this very day. And that is a crime.”

    “First and foremost, here is what you need to know when you listen to any member of our government state that the newly released 29 pages are no smoking gun — THEY ARE LYING.”

    29 Pages Revealed: Corruption, Crime and Cover-up Of 9/11
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kristen-breitweiser/29-pages-revealed-corrupt_b_11033068.html

  18. Jay Boo says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Muhammad’s talking donkey told Allah’s apostle to:
    “Recite, Recite, Recite”

    The Jack Ass from Mecca obeyed the donkey.

  19. Tommy says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 10:28 pm

    Moo HAM id

  20. gravenimage says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 10:30 pm

    101 Muhammads Jailed by U.S. Anti-Terror Agencies Since 9/11
    ………………

    Gee–what is it about that name? sarc/off

  21. linnte says

    Jul 16, 2016 at 10:45 pm

    The different spellings of Muhammad makes my little Nexus device crazy. And me too. I have to retype a different spelling at least 3 times before it will accept it, so… I am just gonna stick to one spelling. Muhammad. hahahaha!

    And can you imagine being in a crowd of Muhammad’s and someone yells that name to get someone’s attention? Hahahaha! Every head in the crowd would turn.

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 16, 2016 at 11:04 pm

      Linnte wrote:

      And can you imagine being in a crowd of Muhammad’s and someone yells that name to get someone’s attention? Hahahaha! Every head in the crowd would turn.
      ………………..

      There is actually a hilarious scene in the cartoon “Team America, World Police” with just that idea. Someone yells “Muhammad!” and dozens of heads pop up all over.

      • linnte says

        Jul 16, 2016 at 11:11 pm

        Hahahahahaha! I will have to look up that movie! Hahahahahahaha! I need a really really good laugh at Islam right now. Thanks Graven AGAIN! You are amazing! ?

        • somehistory says

          Jul 17, 2016 at 1:31 am

          Proverbs 22:1 says a good name is more desirable than riches or gold, and Ecc. 7:1 says a good name is better than fine perfume.
          When one hears this awful name of which so many thousands carry…a curse is laid upon each baby thus named…only one thing comes to mind…evil to the utmost degree.

          At one time, I did a whole lot of data entry. I would be horrified to think I had to put that name in a computer as many times as it is found, even in just the American population.
          How in the world do they think they can keep track of just who each one is?

        • linnte says

          Jul 17, 2016 at 8:20 am

          Boom! Wow! That thought never crossed my mind. Excellent observation History!

  22. Myxlplik says

    Jul 17, 2016 at 12:15 am

    #banassaultmohammeds

  23. Richard says

    Jul 17, 2016 at 2:16 am

    Lessons in Islam. The Quran is often mistranslated into imperfect English from the perfect Arabic word of Allah. So I am providing an imperfect English translation from that sacred, timeless and uncreated.word of Allah, the holy Quran – A lesson and guidance for all mankind.And then providing my better translation of the same sacred verse. So here goes – Sura 33.53 Pickthall translation:

    “O Ye who believe! Enter not the dwellings of the Prophet for a meal without waiting for the proper time, unless permission be granted you. But if ye are invited, enter, and, when your meal is ended, then disperse. Linger not for conversation. Lo! that would cause annoyance to the Prophet, and he would be shy of (asking) you (to go); but Allah is not shy of the truth. And when ye ask of them (the wives of the Prophet) anything, ask it of them from behind a curtain. That is purer for your hearts and for their hearts. And it is not for you to cause annoyance to the messenger of Allah, nor that ye should ever marry his wives after him. Lo! that in Allah’s sight would be an enormity. ”

    My translation:
    “Hey you stupid effing believers, if the prophet Muhammad invites you for dinner, at least effing well wait till dinner’s ready, you uncouth, ill-mannered, ignorant louts! And once you have eaten, don’t effing well hang around, making stupid conversation, just F.O. Your talk really irritates the crap out of Muhammad. Now Muhammad is really pissed off with your boorish behaviour and stupid conversation and he could have told you to shut the f–k up and bugger off himself, but he is a shy guy, so I, Allah am telling you this for him. And I’m not shy at all. I’m blunt and I tell it like it is, so that’s why I, Allah, am telling you this on Muhammad’s behalf. And I know you horny bastards are trying to chat up Muhammad’s young and beautiful women and ogling at them during dinner, so Muhammad has put them behind a curtain and don’t you dare peer behind it. And if you deluded perverts think you are going to marry some of those beautiful women after Muhammad pops off, think again. I Allah will shunt you off to hell so fast your private parts will become toast.”

    May Allah grant his blessings to the reading of his holy word. I hope this great and glorious lesson, a guidance for all mankind, will guide you in your life.

    • linnte says

      Jul 17, 2016 at 8:23 am

      Another good laugh. Hahahhahah! And an accurate translation to. ?

    • gravenimage says

      Jul 17, 2016 at 7:31 pm

      Yeah–don’t you love “holy writ” that tells you not to irk the “Prophet”? Hey, don’t bug me, or that will make “god” mad. He had similar “revelations” about his wives annoying him, as well.

      • Richard says

        Jul 18, 2016 at 10:59 pm

        This is more than just don’t bug me that will make “god” mad. This is “Allah” actually speaking for Muhammad. This is where it is revealed that Allah is nothing but Muhammad’s puppet and Muhammad the ventriloquist putting words into his mouth.

        • gravenimage says

          Jul 19, 2016 at 8:23 pm

          Absolutely, Richard. Someone would piss off Muhammed, and a couple of days later he’d receive a “revelation” on just that issue. As the Church Lady would say, “Isn’t that convenient”?

        • Angemon says

          Jul 20, 2016 at 8:55 am

          Or, as Aisha said muhammad, “I feel that your Lord hastens in fulfilling your wishes and desires”.

          http://www.quranexplorer.com/Hadith/English/Hadith/bukhari/006.060.311.html

  24. davej says

    Jul 17, 2016 at 2:19 am

    Any variation or repetition of “Mohammed” sets off alarm bells in my mind.

    A proven hazard to life and free speech.

  25. More Ham Ed says

    Jul 17, 2016 at 4:04 am

    I would like to see More Ham ADs and
    fewer Mo’ Ham Mads.

  26. mortimer says

    Jul 17, 2016 at 5:09 am

    Mohammed, the King of Terrorists.

  27. duh swani says

    Jul 17, 2016 at 9:05 am

    I had a talk with Allah this morning , and he said the only name approved by him is Avdullah…meaning ‘slave to Allah…According to him, all other names are man and don’t get his seal of approval…

    • duh swani says

      Jul 17, 2016 at 9:17 am

      Clearing up details,,,An Avdullah is the same as an Abdullah, except the Avdullah gets his own key to the executive rest room…

      I see Ron Jerany in the mix, how did he get in there?

  28. Akbar Khan says

    Jul 18, 2016 at 1:31 am

    Moe-ham-head

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