What fun this will be!
I look forward to visiting the Apes and Pigs Pavilion, where Allah transforms disobedient Jews into those despised animals: “And well you know there were those among you [Jews] that transgressed the Sabbath, and We said to them, ‘Be you apes, miserably slinking!’” (Qur’an 2:65). “Say: ‘People of the Book, do you blame us for any other cause than that we believe in Allah, and what has been sent down to us, and what was sent down before, and that most of you are ungodly?’ Say: ‘Shall I tell you of a recompense with Allah, worse than that? Whoever Allah has cursed, and with whom He is angry, and made some of them apes and swine, and worshippers of idols — they are worse situated, and have gone further astray from the right way.’” (Qur’an 5:59-60)
From there we can go on to the “Pretend to Be Friends to Infidels Pool,” where we can dive in and enjoy the warm water of a friendship and alliance that our Muslim friends entered into in order to protect themselves from us: “Let not the believers take the unbelievers for friends, rather than the believers — for whover does that belongs not to Allah in anything — unless you are doing it to guard yourselves against them.” (Qur’an 3:28)
After that, we’ll dry off and head over to the games. We can start with the Terror Toss. First one to cast terror into the hearts of the unbelievers wins a plush teddy bear: “We will cast into the hearts of the unbelievers terror, because they have associated with Allah that for which He never sent down authority; their dwelling shall be the Fire; evil is the dwelling of the evildoers.” (Qur’an 3:151)
Then grab your tongs and Snag A Sex Slave! First one to pull three topless Barbie dolls out of the glass case can turn them in at the Main Office for your very own full-size (nine years old and up) real-life captive that your right hand possesses! “If you fear that you will not act justly towards the orphans, marry such women as seem good to you, two, three, four; but if you fear you will not be equitable, then only one, or what your right hands own; so it is likelier you will not be partial.” (Qur’an 4:3)
If you’re not happy with her, you can turn her in at the Beating Booth, where you can administer Islamic justice on her: “Righteous women are therefore obedient, guarding the secret for Allah’s guarding. And those from whom you fear disobedience, warn them; banish them to their couches; and beat them. If they then obey you, look not for any way against them; Allah is All-high, All-great.” (Qur’an 4:34)
And if that doesn’t slake your thirst for righteousness, head over to Uraina Field, where you can join in a rousing game of Chase the Apostate. First one who catches him, well, you know what to do! “They wish that you should disbelieve as they disbelieve, and then you would be equal; therefore take not to yourselves friends of them, until they emigrate in the way of Allah; then, if they turn their backs, take them, and kill them wherever you find them; do not take to yourselves any one of them as friend or helper.” (Qur’an 4:89)
Still eager to set the world right? I don’t blame you! Let’s head over to Chop ’em Circle, where we can take care of those who dare to “fight against Allah and his messenger”: “This is the recompense of those who fight against Allah and His Messenger, and hasten about the earth, to do corruption there: they shall be slaughtered, or crucified, or their hands and feet shall alternately be struck off; or they shall be banished from the land. That is a degradation for them in this world; and in the world to come awaits them a mighty chastisement.” (Qur’an 5:33) Oh, and thieves, too: “And the thief, male and female: cut off the hands of both, as a recompense for what they have earned, and a punishment exemplary from Allah; Allah is All-mighty, All-wise.” (Qur’an 5:38)
Then comes the crown and center of the theme park, Jihad Jamboree, where all paying (and praying) attendees over the age of 18 are issued swords and scimitars. Idolaters and People of the Book are bussed in especially for the occasion. But those crafty devils will be hiding (be sure to listen to the trees; they talk here, just like in Lord of the Rings!), so your work will be cut out for you before you can do any cutting of your own: “Then, when the sacred months are over, kill the idolaters wherever you find them, and arrest them, and besiege them, and lie in ambush everywhere for them. But if they repent, and perform the prayer, and pay the alms, then let them go their way; Allah is All-forgiving, All-compassionate.” (Qur’an 9:5) “When you meet the unbelievers, strike their necks, then, when you have made wide slaughter among them, tie fast the bonds; then set them free, either by grace or ransom, till the war lays down its loads…” (Qur’an 47:4)
Kids will enjoy collecting the jizya from the subjugated People of the Book: “Fight those who believe not in Allah and the Last Day and do not forbid what Allah and His Messenger have forbidden — such men as do not practice the religion of truth, even if they are of the People of the Book — until they pay the jizya with willing submission and feel themselves subdued.” (Qur’an 9:29)
Qur’an Theme Park: it’s the best theme park in the world, because the reward is Paradise! “Allah has bought from the believers their selves and their possessions; for that they shall have Paradise. They fight in the way of Allah; they kill, and are killed…” (Qur’an 9:111)
And remember: if you meet any Infidels while browsing through the Qur’anic flora and fauna, you know how to act: “Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, and those who are with him are ruthless against the unbelievers, merciful one to another.” (Qur’an 48:29)
Qur’an Theme Park: it’s nonstop fun for the whole family! There’s just one catch: you can’t leave.
“Dubai to open ‘Quran Park’ showcasing miracles of Islam,” Al Arabiya, May 8, 2018:
Dubai is set to open a “Quran Park” that will display plants mentioned in the holy book, as well as the miracles mentioned in the Islamic scripts.
While a date hasn’t been announced yet, Dubai officials have said entry to the park will be free.
Among the prominent features of the park are a Cave of Miracles and the Glass House.
Dawood Abdul Rahman Al Hajiri, Director General of Dubai Municipality, was quoted as saying by Gulf News: “Among the most important elements of the project is the Glass House containing the plants mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah, which grow under certain temperatures and special environmental determinants, as well as shops selling herbs and plants mentioned in the Quran.”
The Cave of Miracles reportedly showcases seven miracles mentioned in the Quran displayed with the latest modern interactive techniques.
“The park also consists of 12 gardens containing the plants mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah, with its scientific and medicinal benefits and uses, including bananas, pomegranates, olives, melons, grapes, figs, garlic, leeks, onions, corn, lentils, wheat, pond beans, ginger, tamarind, basil, pumpkins and cucumbers,” said Al Hajiri….