The BBC lets Miriam, a “Muslim and a lesbian,” tell her tale here. She hid her sexuality from her strict Muslim parents for years. When she eventually did come out to them, she found it impossible to translate “lesbian” into Punjabi or Urdu. She explains how the conversation put an end to her double life “playing the straight woman” but caused a rift so deep that her father disowned her.
“I always knew I was attracted to the same gender – as young as four or five, when I kissed my best friend in the cloakroom, I knew then….
Miriam* grew up in a traditional Muslim family in Bristol where her grandfather “ruled the roost”, with Islamic sermons and prayers five times a day.
Despite knowing from a young age she was gay, she knew telling her parents would cause a rift that might prove insurmountable. She went to great lengths to hide it but found an outlet in which to explore her sexuality by speaking to women in chat rooms.
It was only when she went to university that she built up the courage to meet other women in person, travelling hundreds of miles so she wouldn’t be seen by anyone she knew.
“I went as far as Manchester or Hartlepool, as long as it was a minimum of two hours away.
“I was absolutely [terrified] of having a relationship with someone in the same city as me. These scenarios used to play through my mind – what if someone sees me at the station?”
Fearful as she was of being caught out, these relationships gave Miriam freedom.
“I made sure that my girlfriends didn’t visibly mark me, so I didn’t come home with [love bites] on my neck. But while I was there, it was thrilling – I thought, ‘Oh my god, I’m doing this, I’m having a sexual experience with another woman, this is amazing’….
Under the guise of friendship, Miriam did, on one occasion, take her lover home to her parents’ house in Bristol.
“She was Muslim – if it was anyone else but her, it would have been difficult. But because she looked Asian it was easier [to explain her presence] than [bringing home] a white girlfriend. She had the cultural and religious understanding – she knew how to behave….
At 21, Miriam and her then partner got engaged. She knew she wanted to tell her mum about this “massive thing” but knew it would cause pain.
“Her words were that she never thought any child of hers could bring her as much shame as I did. And since then it’s very much been about religion. She’d reply, ‘God made man and woman – if you look at any verse in the Koran it’s never husband and husband or wife and wife’.
“It resonated with me, because I realised how much she was in a bubble – for her to not even [know] about homosexuality. But her overarching love for her daughter fights with her culture. She worries about me because she believes the life I’m living is a sin. I can tell when I look at her face that she’s hurting.”
Miriam said their relationship became very strained and for six months after, every time they spoke there was “shouting, screaming and crying”. She stopped going home as much and feels like their relationship has never recovered, but her mum agreed to keep it a secret. It was more than a decade before Miriam told her father. She and her current partner had recently got engaged and she decided the time was right to tell him.
“There’s no direct translation for gay, lesbian, bisexual in Punjabi or in Urdu that I know of, so I basically said ‘of that with you and mum’ – to liken it to a relationship.
“He said: ‘You know Islam, you’ve gone to the mosque, you’ve read the Koran, you know it’s a sin don’t you? As far as I’m concerned, I’m right, you’re wrong. What you’re doing is against Islam’.”
Miriam said her father presented her with a choice; give up her partner and return to the family home, or drop off her keys and never show her face again.
“He basically said he didn’t want anything to do with me and disowned me.”
The Muslim father is the absolute ruler of his family. He can “beat” his wife if she is disobedient. He can go into her — his “tilth” — as he will. He can divorce her merely by uttering the triple-talaq. He can take up to four wives, while his wife is limited to one husband. He is the ruler of his children, especially of his daughters, who can be punished severely, even killed, if they damage the family’s “honor” by their behavior. Homosexuality certainly damages that “honor” and Miriam can be thankful that her father is enlightened enough — or scared enough of British law — to send her into permanent exile from the family, rather than to inflict a more severe punishment, including an “honor killing.” He wants nothing more to do with her, and even forbade her mother from seeing her. He knows he is right and she is wrong, because it is in the Qur’an. He need not exercise any independent moral judgement, but need only follow what is commanded and what is forbidden, according to the Qur’an and Hadith. Allah Knows Best.
The prohibition of homosexuality comes from the story of the “people of Lot” — mentioned several times in the Qur’an — who practiced homosexuality. The details of their story differ according to the Qur’anic verse, but not the essentials: they practice homosexual acts, and therefore deserve condemnation and punishment. No precise punishment is given in the Qur’an, but in the Hadith Muhammad does prescribe punishments including, in one story, throwing them from a height. That explains why the Islamic State throws homosexuals off of rooftops and Iran hangs homosexuals from tall cranes.
In those nations that apply the Shariah most thoroughly, that is Saudi Arabia, Iran, Sudan, and Afghanistan, homosexuality is a serious offense that can bring imprisonment, corporal punishment (100s of lashes), or even the death penalty.
Peter Buckley says
Yesterday the BBC treated us to a debate bizarrely entitled “Islam: more divided than united”. I would have thought, with muslims killing other muslims IN THE NAME OF ISLAM on a daily basis (not happening with any other religion), the answer was obvious. We had the usual suspects as always, with some delusional converts, and a woman who had gone on a “spiritual journey” from Sunni Islam to Shiism, via Sufism. Needless to say, the only one speaking plain truths was the apostate. Anyway, there was much arguing (even among the “moderates” until it all kicked off after around 40 minutes, when a “gay muslim” was harangued by a “black revert”, who then revealed how little he appears to know about his new religion. The upshot was that all us non-muslims who have studied Islam will have had their opinion confirmed:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/aug/02/poll-islam-negative-britain
Also present was the delusional convert Yvonne Ridley, who was complaining that the Middle East was “run by men”, without, apparently, asking herself WHY that might be.You can watch the whole debacle here:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m00038fn/the-big-questions-series-12-episode-10
b.a. freeman says
it seems to me that this is what usually happens, Peter; the boobs served up by the leftist propaganda agencies are so full of it in so many ways that one is at a loss as to which bogus belief to expose first. it’s like an einstein trying to discuss quantum chromodynamics with a 5-year-old who claims to be a nobel prizewinner in same. the 5yo claims outlandish, even impossible, things, but when the einstein straightforwardly refutes him, the 5yo makes emotional appeals to the audience, who, like the 5yo, know nothing about the subject under discussion. before one can successfully refute the boobs, one must educate those who believe him … but not only do the latter refuse to educate themselves, they also – at the urging of the 5yo – make education on the subject illegal. lots of luck in THAT scenario.
of course, this *IS* our current situation, and it is getting worse, not improving. now that free speech is beginning its death throes here in the u.s. (and is almost dead in canada, australia, etc., and is *fully* dead and buried in eurabia), i encourage rational people who have *really* made at least a minimal study of islamic scripture (all that is really necessary) to set aside food, water, and armaments, keeping *everything* legal. republics are ruled by LAWS, not by fiat of men, and it is the treasonous left and pious muslims who flout the law; thus, i will have *NOTHING* to do with those who break the law, because they are *ALWAYS* the enemy of republics everywhere. U will need to support your friends and family when society begins to collapse due to the unending attacks of pious muslims, and for some time after martial law is declared. once civil war between the hard left and the pious ummah (which should be most of the latter, once the former starts using tool of choice – mass murder – on them) commences, patriots should examine the situation closely, and open up patriotic fronts once it becomes obvious that the civil war is really on.
in my book, all the coming deaths (and the 30 000+ around the world, just since 9/11) can be laid at the feet of the hard left. if the ummah had been kept confined to its own s**thole nations, there would still be lots of deaths, but the murders would almost all be muslim-on-muslim, and all muslims everywhere would understand *why* they were dying. exposure to civilized people might have eventually allowed the people of the nations of the ummah to leave the gang, but since they are now among us, there are 5+ BILLION people who are unknowingly exposing themselves to unnecessary risk of death, because nobody is allowed to educate anybody about the monstrous pirate cult of islam.
CRUSADER says
Irshad Manji, author and personality and self-styled “Muslim refusenik”, points to her being lesbian as a major point of reference that Islam makes it possible to be both Muslim and lesbian, for instance.
Isn’t that convenient?
How can it be possible to be both, and still be devout and orthodox?
Or is it more about picking and choosing within a faith practice, to …you know… suit oneself?
Is Allah (“The God”) consulted first about this conduct?
What about genetics? Is this abomination an abhorration or an aberration?
(Just as with sickle cell anemia, a gene mutated slightly on DNA pattern….who is to say this isn’t so with sexual “preference”? We live in a materialistic, fallen world, after all….so perhaps this mutation occurred.)
Anyway, Irshad Manji has a new book out, called “Don’t Label Me”….
Not quite in the same vein as her previous books:
“Trouble with Islam (Today)”
and
“Allah, Liberty and Love”
___________________
Terry Gain says
Manji is a liar who claims houris are raisins.
CRUSADER says
Yes, that is a common one note argument against her reasoning (raisin-ing).
But, it would be good to hear of other refutations to her.
She is quite popular among Intersectionalists.
Terry Gain says
She wasn’t reasoning, she was plainly deceiving. If she will tell such an obvious lie there’s no point in believing anything she says.
CRUSADER says
Not sure how much of a Jihadist or a Taqiyya-talkin’ “Muslim” that Irshad could pull off being.
But I can envision her trying to promote herself as a “Muslim” in order to stay out front on stage and sell her books and her notions about diversity. Lying about houris and raisins?
Doubt she was lying. She most likely is so clouded and misguided about wishing her belief in her “faith” is so correct that she deceives herself. That she deceives others is less likely, intentionally or strategically, that is. She herself has had fatwa against her outspokenness.
Irshad Manji may be misguided and caught up in illusions, and she may be persuaded by folks who support her to continue on such a path (“diversity is the answer to bigotry”….)
— but to rationalize that she is a deceiver rather than a personality who hopes for the best for humanity is a bit off, given what she writes and says.
Yes, you can point out her faults and her wrong statements, but it is something different to say she is intentionally deceiving. She is just part of the vanguard of much of the mainstream thought in Post-Modernism: independent but caught up in unrealized conformity.
She thinks that diversity and relative identities are going to save the day and make us more divine.
b.a. freeman says
well, i don’t have the references at hand this very moment, but islamic scripture refutes her, if only about her homosexuality. the “raisin” thing is commonly claimed by moderns referring to the interpretation of mr. luxenberg, but unfortunately for him, the quran mentions big breasts and being married to the houris, which is a little strange, even for a pious muslim. the kutub alsittah also refers to perpetual erections, which would also be strange when associated with raisins.
that said, there is some speculation that the conquest of the sasanians by muslim armies was actually a rebellion by arab mercenaries, since the sasanians employed mercenaries in large numbers, just as the romans did. and just as the romans suffered rebellions of and defeats by their germanic mercenaries, the sasanians suffered the same from their arab mercenaries; the difference is that the germans just took over the government and left everything else alone, while the muslim, being thugs to the bone, started an all-out kleptocracy (umar – or *some* head arab thug – said that the jizyah was the ummah’s income, and to never abandon it). in this scenario, muawiya, the first umayyad caliph, was actually a rebellious sasanian military governor of the conquered roman province of egypt, and the quran and islam were put together by the umayyads to give a religious tinge to their coup. furthermore, heraclius and the romans tried to cover up their defeat by claiming that they had not been defeated, in much the same way that at least one other roman emperor or high official had done. i’m not saying that any of this is true, but it is certainly interesting, especially since there is *zero* archaeological evidence for muhammed as a ruler for over a century after his death. and in any case, the end result is the same: islam is a vile cult that parasitizes civilization, which eventually dies when all the civilized people either escape or are murdered. and if U want to see that, just look at the muslim-ruled s**thole nations of the present. of course, since she was raised in the west, miriam may very well actually believe the crap she is spewing, but either way, her scriptures belie her “beliefs.”
CRUSADER says
Got QUR’AN REFORM, anyone?
=========================
By the way, seen this book yet?
“Quran: A Reformist Translation”
(Koran, Kuran in Modern English) – 2007
by Edip Yuksel (Translator), Layth Saleh al-Shaiban (Translator), Martha Schulte-Nafeh (Translator)
(review by Amazon:)
The Reformist Translation of the Quran offers a non-sexist and non-sectarian understanding of the divine text; it is the result of collaboration between three translators, two men and a woman. It explicitly rejects the authority of the clergy to determine the likely meaning of disputed passages.It uses logic and the language of the Quran itself as the ultimate authority in determining likely meanings, rather than ancient scholarly interpretations rooted in patriarchal hierarchies. It offers extensive cross-referencing to the Bible and provides arguments on numerous philosophical and scientific issues. It is God’s message for those who prefer reason over blind faith, for those who seek peace and ultimate freedom by submitting themselves to the Truth alone.
===========
Gee…
Non-Sexist AND Non-Sectarian.
Should be a best seller, as both Men and Women and Other Genders too can now read the Liberated Qur’an for themselves, and determine their own interpretations!!!
Just think of it, you can be free to be you and me, AND also slaughter Non-Muslims at will. What a life to lead!!!!
….Perfect for Intersectional Intellectuals! LOL
You know, the smart ones, too smart for God, who want to live life the way they see it should be lived….
….without actually checking in properly with the Divine authority.
Wonder if this will get the ban treatment by the Amazon ban-wagon, as happened unfortunately in the Tommy Robinson situation….
Hmmmm?????
????????
b.a. freeman says
no, but i’m sure that al-bezos will promote the book in search results. nothing like currying favor with the incoming rulers!
Anjuli Pandavar says
All strength to Miriam, and all like her, who have to muster the inner resources to break through the backwardness into which they had been born. Good on you, girl. Go forth and love.
b.a. freeman says
ummm … except she’s still a muslim: “But it is possible to be Muslim and gay” – her own words.
here’s hoping that she gets shown islamic scripture so that she can finally escape the death cult. if she’s reaching out to “gay muslims,” she’s likely to find that almost all are also EX-muslims; hope they can help her learn and escape!
CRUSADER says
As you can read in this below link on mohammedan issues….
….the moderator seems to agree with the liberalized viewpoint of the inputer, unless it is plain TAQIYYA….
_ _ _ _ _
https://www.mohammedamin.com/Community_issues/Koran-or-Quran.html
Crystal McGlown-Bey •
Reading all these comments has shown me that racism and ignorance of the unknown has not changed in the 21st century. I respect everyone including (gay, bi or straight), every religion and every race. Having anger towards any of them is dead wrong. Tell me what God or creator find thoughts of racism, disrespectful actions and hate to be acceptable? Any person who has any of those qualities is not horoning the one they serve, believe in or follow. They are allowing their lower self to rule over their higher self. Therefore living without honor.
Mohammed Amin — Mod
As you should be able to see from reading the rest of my website, I agree with you.
Crystal McGlown-Bey
I will read the rest of your website. I have been thinking about becoming a Muslim and have been studying and learning more about it. I don’t have a issue or problem with any other religion at all. I was taught to love and respect everyone you meet. I also went to Catholic school from k to 11th grade. My grandfather was a Baptist Pastor with his own church, my mother is a Pentecostal Evangelist, my brother is a Sunni Muslim and my deceased husband was a Moorish Grand Sheik Muslim of The Moorish Science Temple of America founded by Profit Drew Ali. I am also a Moorish Indigenous American from the Native tribe Cherokee.
====================
Terry Gain says
Islam teaches hate for Non – Muslims. So what is the matter with this person. I think she is already a Muslim. And a mental defective.
CRUSADER says
McGlown sounds a bit like a clown !!!
FYI says
“She found it impossible to translate “lesbian” into Punjabi or Urdu”
Not as difficult surely as translating “COMMANDMENT” into muslim…
Mixtli says
LOL….Stupid moslem, just do it simply like native americans do, for example in Lakotah Winu is Woman, Wink’te is ‘wants to be a woman’ so for a woman being a lesbian it would be ‘wants to be a man’.
gravenimage says
Hugh Fitzgerald: A Lesbian Muslim and the “Unsurmountable Rift” (Part One)
……………….
She’s lucky her family didn’t “Honor Kill” her.