“Do you expect me to talk?” No, I expect you to go woke.”
Earlier this year word came that Ian Fleming Publications Ltd, which controls the rights to the deceased author’s novels, hired sensitivity readers to go through his books and purge anything that might offend the souls who write angry letters to the BBC over reruns of Fawlty Towers. (The ‘war’ must forever go unmentioned as ‘The Germans’ episode was pulled by the BBC.)
The newly republished novels warn those with thin skin looking for politically correct adventures that, “this book was written at a time when terms and attitudes which might be considered offensive by modern readers were commonplace.” Various awkward racial references had been scrubbed away leaving a bowdlerized Bond that could be safely read in any safe space.
Now that old Bond is dead, a new woke Bond can safely rise. Even though Ian Fleming has been dead since 1964, the estate turned to other authors to prime the giant money pump. Initially new Bond novels were written by prestigious writers like Kingsley Amis or former military men like John Gardner, but in more recent years turned to anyone willing to write woke for cash.
The latest of these come from Kim Sherwood, a University of Edinburgh lecturer who is interested in “women’s stories” and was authorized to write a feminist James Bond trilogy.
How do you write a feminist trilogy around one of the least feminist fictional characters around?
Easy, get rid of him.
Sherwood’s feminist trilogy of Bond novels has the superspy go missing while she invents new zeroes to take his place. Sherwood’s “feminist perspective” on James Bond gets rid of the white man and offers an “ensemble cast of heroes who we can all identify with.”
Ian Fleming Publications Ltd and Sherwood might want to look back at how that gimmick worked for the Pink Panther movies made after the death of Peter Sellers. But Bond didn’t actually die, he’s just been canceled. When he’s not turning woke, he’s just making way.
“I want to bring a feminist perspective to the canon,” Sherwood pitched, to “create a space for all of us to be heroes.” The technical term for that is a “Mary Sue” character. But do female readers of the Bond novels really want to be superspies, gunning down villains and surviving torture?
Ready or not, Sherwood debuted the new zeroes who prioritize “inclusivity, female heroes, and heroes of colour” including a black gay disabled 004 and a Pakistani Muslim 009.
Sid Bashir, the Muslim replacement for James Bond, remembers standing by his mother’s side at an Islamic cultural fair under a banner reading, “Don’t Panic, I’m Islamic.” Another scene quotes the Koran and has Bashir saying, “May Allah bless your family.”
“I was born poor, black and gay, I know about hard times,” 004 who, it is important to note, is black and gay says. This isn’t just bad writing, it reads like a right-wing parody of wokeness.
In the new feminist novels, Miss Moneypenny has been promoted, Q has been replaced by a computer, and Bond by a woman, a black man and a Muslim man.
One scene takes place in a police station overrun by a leftist mob where “feminists, anarchists”, socialists and advocates for climate justice” have turned it into an “anti-capitalist party center.”
This is the woke utopia. Inclusivity means erasing everyone who doesn’t fit into this leftist vision of the ideal society.
“Bond has always been a fantasy, but it’s a fantasy that can reflect us and shape us and I’m so excited to get to be part of that for a contemporary world,” Kim Sherwood argued.
The thing about fantasies is that they have to be grounded in something. The old Bond was a series of fantasies grounded in the Cold War and some espionage experience by Fleming, but wokeness is already a fantasy and Bond authors no longer know anything except politics.
Politics in Bond novels used to be subtext, but now it’s text.
Earlier this year, Ian Fleming Publications Ltd rushed to publication a new novel, On His Majesty’s Secret Service, to mark Charles III’s coronation. Every monarch gets the 007 writer that he or she deserves. Queen Liz got Fleming while King Charlie has to make do with Charlie Higson, a comedian, who famously accused Winston Churchill of being secretly gay.
The Bond novel celebrated Charlie’s coronation, dubbed “King Charles the Woke”, by going up against COVID conspiracists, immigration opponents, and critics of Black Lives Matter and the transgender movement who asked things like “What are we going to do about the Muslims?”
Conservatives are a pretty reliable demographic for James Bond novels, but much like the film industry, publishing is making it clear that it not only doesn’t want them as writers, but even as readers. That is even more true of the Big 5 publishing industry in the United States.
If Ian Fleming, the actual Bond author, were alive today, he would be one of the villains. Fleming was anti-union, opposed to the welfare state and a conservative. But the old Bond novels upheld the primacy of Britain while in the new woke novels, the touchstones are no longer patriotism and country, but diversity.
“Bond was struck by something. It was a long while since he’d been at any kind of function that was almost exclusively full of men. It felt strange. There was not even a pretence at diversity here. Athelstan hadn’t been the least bit concerned about ensuring that half of the people he’d hired to carry out his coup should be women, or non-white, or disabled,” the novel has him say.
Fortunately, the new Bond novels more than make up for it with women, non-white and disabled superspies who battle the forces of ignorance and skepticism about mutilating children.
Heroically they penetrate super-secret fortresses and uncover plots to say politically incorrect things on social media after Islamic terrorist attacks. And they always take time out to remind you of their suffering as black, gay, disabled Pakistani Muslims who are the real victims.
Who needs Bond, James Bond, when we’ve got Victim, Woke Victim?
KoshsShadow says
Apparently they have issued the author a license to kill the Bond franchise
Wellington says
There is nothing that Leftism cannot ruin. Leftism is a cheerless and highly destructive mental disorder and should be seen as such by all normal people (N.B., there is nothing normal about Leftism).
Westman says
“There is nothing that Leftism cannot ruin.”
10+
Including entire nations. Leftists can only agree about what to destroy. What they build ends up like the confused structure of a platypus, such as the CA high speed rail to nowhere and the overrun NYC sanctuary city.
Westman says
Another Bud Light cousin about to lose money by insulting its consumers. The problem with the Woke instigators is, with extensive media coverage, they begin believing they are not a minority. It takes Muslim parents protesting before progressives get the idea there are people who see and intend to stop the future destruction coming from sinister, wokeness grooming.
Wokeness acceptance hasn’t been enough to fill the ranks of the military. Fully expect the US politicians to walk in the footsteps of Rome and offer “illegals” a path to citizenship through military service.
somehistory says
When the guy rides in on a white horse to *save the day*….I would want it to actually be a **guy** riding in to save the day for me.
Things are just getting stupider and stupider. It’s why I keep finding old movies and tv I either watched a long time ago, or never watched at all before, to help take my mind off of the stupid and the evil.
Like Val Kilmer and George C Scott in “Murder in Rue Morgue.”
This changing of the Bond books….which become movies….to be a feminine thing is one of the worst ideas out there. Much like Braun having a woman who had surgery in a shaving video…as if she has a beard, but is missing an important part of her anatomy.
what a crazy, mixed up society.
James Lincoln says
somehistory says,
“Things are just getting stupider and stupider. It’s why I keep finding old movies and tv I either watched a long time ago, or never watched at all before, to help take my mind off of the stupid and the evil.”
Same here.
In my humble opinion, the very best James Bond film was the first one: Dr No (1962).
And available free of charge at Internet Archive.
somehistory says
Thanks, James. I might have to check it out. I was thinking last night about the African Queen and wondering if it’s online somewhere free.
My daughter-in -law loaned me a copy of Rear Window, and I’ve watched it several times. Thinking of watching again…I don’t care for Stewart, but Burr was a good villain.
FYI says
How about a new Bond villain then?
Ernst Stavro Schwab*
WEFI restaurant
Schwab;I will have the prime steak and the most expensive bottle of wine you can find.Danke.
You Mr Bond:you vill have the Sheeple menu:Cricket Soup and Fried Bug risotto.Delicious!
You vill enjoy it.Since you own nothing i will pay for it… and you vill be happy.
Bund:Do you expect me to eat this garbage Schwab?I’d rather die!
Schwab:Indeed you vill die mr Bond ,that is the idea you useless eater..but at least you vill be happy and own nothing.In fact I will tell you a tewwible joke.. that vil be so awful you vill want to die!
haha
* no connection with any real or fictional character called Ernst Stavro Blofeld or klaus schwab.
Eva says
Is that the ‘author’ of this grotesque woke nonsense?
I thought it was a guy pretending to be a girl.
It’s even got the pose down pat.
FYI says
James Bond..novels..
The Spy who came out of the closet
The Spy who got the Covid shot and died from an inexplicable medical coincidence.
On His Majesty’s Questionable Service
Westman says
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ME Infidel says
Every adolescent male of my generation whom I knew wanted to grow up to be James Bond. That ship has sailed with these Woke freaks. Looks like the death of that franchise.
bill says
No they did not. Fleming was a shoddy writer although he created what became an Icon of cinema. He does not get within a mile of Le Carre for example. I have seen the movies many times as they show the on TV repeatedly, but I always think it ridiculous to have a ‘secret’ agent
who goes around telling everybody his name! At least the older films stayed within the bounds of reality most of the time.The Craig versions have become all about absurd stunts which get more extreme everytime and would certainly cripple a real human being. The Craig Bond is closer to Super Man than a real agent.
bill says
There have also been many parodies, the best I consider is Johnny English with Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean)
Larry Mondello says
Beer no one drinks. Movies no one sees. Books no one reads.
Sheikh Anvakh says
TV programmes we switch off
Adverts we mute
somehistory says
I was contemplating things as I prepared a ham sandwich. that’s forbidden now, but I don’t care.
What if a person is driving down a long and lonely road and has something go amiss with their vehicle. The person, not having knowledge or tools, calls for a tow truck.
After waiting for some time, a girl …or the reasonable facsimile…pulls up in an old Isuzu truck, she gets out and asks, “Did you call for a tow?”
that’s what’s happening in society. a heck of a lot of pretending.
Westman says
Was it the Press Secretary in that Isuzu?
somehistory says
Now that you mention it,….Should have begun her question with “So,…did you call…”
I was visualizing the little beat up trucks the mozlums drive in somalia on their shooting sprees. Or like the taliban drove in afghanistan.
Don McKellar says
It speaks volumes that comedians like Dave Chappelle can make fun of the woke and have huge hit concerts, but no woke “comedians” exist outside of pushed corporate media that few watch anymore.
Almost nobody is going to buy these anti-Bond books, and the new censored versions of Fleming’s novels are being shunned. How did such clueless wokies get control of Bond? That is a double agent spy espionage novel in itself!
Sheikh Anvakhh says
Here are more “revised” titles.
The Quantum of Bullshit
Doctor No treatment without a booster
Casino Republique
The Trans with no golden gun.
Thunderlabia
The world is not non-binary enough
The Spy who had a consensual and equal relationship
Diversity is Forever
On His Majesty’s Sexchange Service
Moonraper (set in Rotherham)
Octovaginaplasty
KoshsShadow says
You know what the “real” James Bond said when the wokies sent him to the doctor for the surgery?
Doctor, NOOOOOO!
Dr K says
Oh goody .
Memo to Ian Fleming Publication Ltd:
So has it been released in movie form yet ? Because when it does I will dub laughter in to the sound track , it’ll make a ripping comedy ,so funny.
Thank you ,you idiots
Hudders. says
Madness.
Absolute.
Madness.
Literary dung piles.
Madness.
Honestly folks, you couldn’t make this madness up!
Jayell1 says
OK. This is actually a Monty Python sendup, in turn a ripoff of the sort of thing Peter Sellers and the Goons ere doing years before that (UK readers will get that point). All we need now is a one-legged visually impaired and deaf black female fitness trainer.
Sheikh Anvakh says
Muslim, in a burkha.
You, you you…. Islamophobe you, you……
tgusa says
27 007 movies over more than 50 years. Fifty years of bad guys going down. Fifty years of Bond not being killed. And here we are, in short order, Bond has not been killed but murdered via a knife in the back by the freak left. Leftists are not creative, no. You see that today in books movies tv science medicine. Pick something, anything, you name it, they kill it. Leftists hijack other peoples creations and then they destroy those things through their black handed methods. Leftists dont create, they burn down. Leftists are in fact, anti-everything. They literally live for that. Leftism is inherently parasitic.
tgusa says
Goldfinger in 1964 said it first. “No Mr Bond, I expect you to die”
tgusa says
If you conducted a survey and the question was, who are the bigger angry bitter habitual asshole group, leftists or muslims? Which would you vote for? I would love to know. IMO its a bit of a draw.
Richard Chapman says
Ha,,,,
When no one but freaks show up and cant pay to get into the theater
The producers will realize the franchize is dead and gone….
Alex Lund says
This was predicted by Kurt Schlichter in his book “Collapse” in 2019.
He predicted a woke James Bond movie for 2025. In the end of this movie the women throw away their tyrannical handmaiden uniforms and don the liberating hijab.
John Allan says
Novels still need readers.
If the ‘woke’ input puts enough off, then the novels will go nowhere.
James Lincoln says
Those woke bond novels will eventually be turned into movies:
Ultra high definition, IMAX, quadraphonic sound, 3D, computer generated graphics, blah blah blah.
But no one will go.
OLD GUY says
sick bastards aren’t they.
Davidka says
If these idiots change the original novels, there should be a big warning sign on the cover, such as:
THIS IS NOT THE ORIGINAL BOOK BY BOND’S CREATOR IAN FLEMING. THIS VOLUME HAS BEEN EXTENSIVELY EDITED.
WITHOUT A CLEAR WARNING,ANY ALTERED BOOK IS BEING SOLD FRAUDULENTLY BECAUSE IT IS SIGNIFICANTLY DIFFERENT FROM THE BOOK THE CUSTOMER THINKS HE IS BUYING.